When I sleep I do so with a knife
A trusty ally, I will act before running
Should any low life try violating me again.
I am not a bad person.
In the face of you wanting to ruin my life
I will confront you, for ruin sticks to your soul
I will not take any of your shit.
I am not a bad person.
You have no understanding of what you have done.
That you assert a power over me I resent, I loathe,
It is not fair that you have controlled me.
I am not a bad person.
You laughed at me, my tears you thought worthless
In your fun, you stole a piece of my mind
Blissfully unaware of the price I pay.
I am not a bad person.
I want at the thought of human touch
To jump out of my skin as,
No amount of scrubbing will erase you.
I am not a bad person.
I am abhorred at the sight of my nakedness
I shy away from the sight of my violated self
I am surrounded by filth, so I wash and wash and wash.
I am not a bad person.
My nightmare of you swallowing my legs,
Continues unabated, your ugliness
Your threats vividly scratched into my soul.
I am not a bad person.
Everyday I live with my damaged self
A smile translates into your devilish grin
I am uncomfortable in my own skin.
I am not a bad person.
It is not right I should apologise for my own existence,
That I am a blight on the lives of others,
Taking up their valuable space.
I am not a bad person.
I believe I am worthless.
That my opinion matters, not even to me.
When you’re nobody it’s easy having nothing to say.
I am not a bad person.
I have always been an adult,
Childhood ripped from me,
Never to be returned.
I am not a bad person.
But if you look closely
You’ll see me taking charge, see subtle changes
I can look at myself and smile.
I know I am not a bad person
I am not sure where this will end,
I am resolved to lifting my game, pick flowers even.
But it’s uphill when you are at rock bottom.
I know I am not a bad person.
In my struggle I want to stop, befriend animals,
Stare at the stars; value new friends
Tell my story, leave my shit behind.
I am a person.
This poem was inspired by the writings of Lacey Larkspur, her post is linked below. Lacey is a very articulate young lady whose blog is a record of her past, loves and aspirations.
http://whiskeyandchickenlessnuggets.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/a-few-secrets-part-three
Morpethroad 
I find it interesting you use such colorful and poetic words and then drop the “shit” word in there a couple of times.
Overall, a powerful piece.
Good comment. When I wrote this I was conscious of Lacey’s language and I wanted to stay true to that. I do agree that ‘shit’ is harsh in the midst of a poem but that is how she saw herself at that time.
I am not criticizing…for me reading I was loving it and then that would come up and it felt sterile not emotional. It is your writing and you did it the way you enjoyed and that is what it is about.
Thanks Anja your point is very valid.
I read Lacey’s Story and see where you’re coming from. Before I read her story I thought of your trouble and you were confronting your demon. It is a strong and powerful poem.
Thanks Kim it was about trying to capture her past and her desire to make something of her life.
You have captured her life well, I did enjoy the deviation in the language, gave it an intense and human feel. Really well written my friend. Kudos.
Thank you so much Jenny. I appreciate that comment.
You are most welcome.
Thank you.
Intense.
A sad reality that happens way too often.
I like how the character keeps reminding herself – “I am not a bad person.”
& I like how there is a glimpse of hope in the end.
Thanks RoSy you are correct she is trying to make some better life for herself. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Given what is happening at the moment with the Royal Commission into child abuse, this poem is perfect. I particularly love the verse:
“But if you look closely
You’ll see me taking charge, see subtle changes
I can look at myself and smile.”
May all Laceys find it so.
Thanks Lyn that’s a very pertinent observation and this Lacey is doing something about her life. Thank you so much for that comment. As for the Royal commission yesterday’s news was so distressing to hear, that foe me, organised religion took a step lower than I already had it.
This is a powerful poem…good insight and understanding…I like the use of repeatition: “I am not a bad person.” to it’s final conclusion “I am a person”…the anger and hurt weave together, changing through confusion into self understanding finally seeking the final catharsis of being oneself…very well written indeed.
Thanks Georgia Lacey deserves all the support she can get. Thank you so much for reading.
I agree, and you did a wonderful job in this poem.
Thank you so much Georgia. I hope you have a good day.
Thanks..it wasn’t too bad 🙂 hope your’s will be good today!
Every day is a good day Georgia, I get vertical and away I go.
LOL…great way to be!
It is real, it is raw and portrayed as it should be…great poem, Michael. I will check her blog now. In her healing she is helping so many who are lost. Thank you for sharing
Thanks Oliana, I greatly appreciate that you have read this. I feel the same way that Lacey is capable of much healing for others.
Michael,
Although it’s only been a short while that we have been talking, I feel as though you’ve completely captured the essence of my post, and knew precisely what I was saying. Not too many people are able to do that. I cannot even begin to tell you how flattered and utterly astonished I am that you took the time to write this, I will keep it as one of my most cherished gifts.
Not only have I felt a tremendous amount of support form you, but in reading the comments on this post and on mine. It’s hard to explain all you’ve done for me, but it’s been so much, and you continue to help me. I like to think of you as my mentor, even if we haven’t known each other long. You have made me feel supported, deserving, and motivated to keep on writing and telling my story. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done and continue to do.
You know you are most welcome. You are moving your life and I am so happy for you.