Poem 95 – Lacey’s Story

broken-woman

When I sleep I do so with a knife

A trusty ally, I will act before running

Should any low life try violating me again.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

In the face of you wanting to ruin my life

I will confront you, for ruin sticks to your soul

I will not take any of your shit.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

You have no understanding of what you have done.

That you assert a power over me I resent, I loathe,

It is not fair that you have controlled me.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

You laughed at me, my tears you thought worthless

In your fun, you stole a piece of my mind

Blissfully unaware of the price I pay.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

I want at the thought of human touch

To jump out of my skin as,

No amount of scrubbing will erase you.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

I am abhorred at the sight of my nakedness

I shy away from the sight of my violated self

I am surrounded by filth, so I wash and wash and wash.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

My nightmare of you swallowing my legs,

Continues unabated, your ugliness

Your threats vividly scratched into my soul.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

Everyday I live with my damaged self

A smile translates into your devilish grin

I am uncomfortable in my own skin.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

It is not right I should apologise for my own existence,

That I am a blight on the lives of others,

Taking up their valuable space.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

I believe I am worthless.

That my opinion matters, not even to me.

When you’re nobody it’s easy having nothing to say.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

I have always been an adult,

Childhood ripped from me,

Never to be returned.

 

I am not a bad person.

 

But if you look closely

You’ll see me taking charge, see subtle changes

I can look at myself and smile.

 

I know I am not a bad person

 

I am not sure where this will end,

I am resolved to lifting my game, pick flowers even.

But it’s uphill when you are at rock bottom.

 

I know I am not a bad person.

 

In my struggle I want to stop, befriend animals,

Stare at the stars; value new friends

Tell my story, leave my shit behind.

 

I am a person.

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This poem was inspired by the writings of Lacey Larkspur, her post is linked below. Lacey is a very articulate young lady whose blog is a record of her past, loves and aspirations.

 

http://whiskeyandchickenlessnuggets.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/a-few-secrets-part-three

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25 Responses to Poem 95 – Lacey’s Story

  1. Anja says:

    I find it interesting you use such colorful and poetic words and then drop the “shit” word in there a couple of times.
    Overall, a powerful piece.

    • Good comment. When I wrote this I was conscious of Lacey’s language and I wanted to stay true to that. I do agree that ‘shit’ is harsh in the midst of a poem but that is how she saw herself at that time.

  2. I read Lacey’s Story and see where you’re coming from. Before I read her story I thought of your trouble and you were confronting your demon. It is a strong and powerful poem.

  3. You have captured her life well, I did enjoy the deviation in the language, gave it an intense and human feel. Really well written my friend. Kudos.

  4. RoSy says:

    Intense.
    A sad reality that happens way too often.
    I like how the character keeps reminding herself – “I am not a bad person.”
    & I like how there is a glimpse of hope in the end.

  5. Lyn says:

    Given what is happening at the moment with the Royal Commission into child abuse, this poem is perfect. I particularly love the verse:

    “But if you look closely
    You’ll see me taking charge, see subtle changes
    I can look at myself and smile.”

    May all Laceys find it so.

    • Thanks Lyn that’s a very pertinent observation and this Lacey is doing something about her life. Thank you so much for that comment. As for the Royal commission yesterday’s news was so distressing to hear, that foe me, organised religion took a step lower than I already had it.

  6. Bastet says:

    This is a powerful poem…good insight and understanding…I like the use of repeatition: “I am not a bad person.” to it’s final conclusion “I am a person”…the anger and hurt weave together, changing through confusion into self understanding finally seeking the final catharsis of being oneself…very well written indeed.

  7. It is real, it is raw and portrayed as it should be…great poem, Michael. I will check her blog now. In her healing she is helping so many who are lost. Thank you for sharing

  8. Michael,
    Although it’s only been a short while that we have been talking, I feel as though you’ve completely captured the essence of my post, and knew precisely what I was saying. Not too many people are able to do that. I cannot even begin to tell you how flattered and utterly astonished I am that you took the time to write this, I will keep it as one of my most cherished gifts.
    Not only have I felt a tremendous amount of support form you, but in reading the comments on this post and on mine. It’s hard to explain all you’ve done for me, but it’s been so much, and you continue to help me. I like to think of you as my mentor, even if we haven’t known each other long. You have made me feel supported, deserving, and motivated to keep on writing and telling my story. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done and continue to do.

Please feel free to comment, I appreciate your thoughts.

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