I am driven to distraction
By promises made
Which impact on
My own perverse sense of expectation.
People who say one thing and do the opposite.
Its soul destroying when you believe something
Only to realise that it’s nothing more than words.
Maybe I read too much into what a person says
But when they say they’ll be there at a certain time,
They will soon write to you
They will send you the information you need
And nothing ever arrives,
There is no one to meet.
You are left standing around the meeting place
Looking like a shag on a rock
The only one at the party.
You begin to wonder what point there is
To believing anything anyone says.
When I am told something that I deem
Is good and happening
I go into a state of expectation.
They are going to be here at seven
The letter will arrive any day
They said they would call
So I get into a state
I pace the floor
I tap my foot
I go the letterbox fifty times a day
I irritate everyone around me
With the same dumb questions
Day in and day out.
I ring and get no answers
Everyone acts innocent.
What? We did? When?
While I am tearing out my hair,
(What is left of it)
In sheer frustration
Feeling foolish, again
Thinking the world is having this
Huge joke at my expense
That elsewhere someone is watching
Delighting in my impatience
My anger that spills over
Leaving all around me on knife-edge.
I feel shackled to my own naked self
Restrained, incapable of breaking free.