Conversation with a Tantrumist


Are you upset?


Oh. Then why are you sitting like that?

Like what?

Well you have your arms folded and you are tapping your foot. You never tap your foot unless….

I can tap my foot if I want.

Yes I know you can, my point is you only ever do it when there’s something bothering you.

Well………if you really want to know there is.


So what?

So what is it that’s bothering you?



Yes this cursed computer.

Oh and how is it bothering you. I mean it just sits there at your beck and all.

It’s bothering me because it is supposed to make my life better and it isn’t.

Oh that’s sad.

Sad? It’s terrible. I hate it.

You hate your computer.

I hate my computer.

And what exactly has he computer done to deserve this.

It won’t work for me.

It wont work in what way.

I have a story to write yes?


Well this contraption isn’t helping. It’s looking at me as if I’m an idiot.

So what you are saying is that you haven’t written anything and it’s the computers fault.

Yes. I am so pissed off.

Umm, my darling you realize you are blaming the computer for something you cannot do.

Yes. I feel better if I do that.


Yes then I can attack it and I’ll feel better.

I hate to break it to you but it’s not the computers fault.

Yes it is.

No its not.

Look I have writers block I know that but I have to blame something, it can’t be my fault.

Well as you’re the one pushing the keys don’t you think it would be wiser to have a look at yourself?

What? Are you insane?

No just practical. You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that its you not the computer.

I don’t like you. I’m not talking anymore until you and that thing apologises.

You are being silly now.

No I’m not. You’ve insulted me and I’m going to sit here and, and, and, I’ll stamp my foot if you don’t get out and leave me alone.

You do look a sight you know.

Bugger off.

How can I take you seriously sitting there with your arms folded, a scowl on your brow and that bottom lip poking out like an awning.

My lip does not poke out like an awning. Now I’m doubly pissed.

Ok have it your way. I’m going to read the paper.

What! You insensitive bastard how could you at a time like this. You are supposed to be my support, my rock, and the one I can rely on in times of crisis and right now I’m having a crisis.

You are not having a crisis.

How do you know what its like inside my head. I have brain cells calling other brain cells that normally connect and all they are getting is wrong number signals and you say I’m not having a crisis.

Well yes I know your brain is am amazing place, confusing at times and at other times as plain as the nose on your face.

You saying I’ve got a plain nose. You good for nothing sod. That’s it. First you insult my brain and then you have the temerity to start on my nose.

Oh you are being silly. I’ll be outside if you want me.

Oh that’s right, run off, great support you turned out to be. Now I’m going to sit here and pout, stamp my foot, no both feet and when I’m done doing that I’ll bury my head under the pillow.

Oh for goodness sake.

Go on off you go. Desert me in my hour of need. Side with that monster there.


What I’m not listening. I feel hurt beyond measure, I’m so sorry I ever laid eyes on you.



Hey…… you are acting very childishly you know.

Go away I’m not listening.


Don’t touch me. I’m having a tantrum, don’t you know you never touch a person having a tantrum.

Why not?

Tantrumists can get inexplicably violent and I don’t want that.

Neither do I.

I just want to write something, anything.

And you can’t think of anything?

No Nothing. My mind is a bottomless pit of nothingness.

Can you come out from under the pillow and we’ll talk about it.

Oh alright. What?

You want some suggestions.

No…… Oh go on.



Escape, you used to talk about a time when you use to dream of places you wanted to escape to.

I did?

Yes I remember you talking about it once.

Oh yeah……..

So what are you doing now?



Hmmm…….move over I have a thought.

Ok, I’ll be out reading the paper.



Oh!…… hey


Thank you.

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11 Responses to Conversation with a Tantrumist

  1. Anja says:

    hahahaha I am soooo thankful I do not tend to be dramatic and throw tantrums….

  2. oh dear how did you sneak into my place? 😀 Really enjoyed this Summer. 🙂

  3. gimpet says:

    Crack. me. up,. Luv “bugger off” next to Monty Python’s immortal “oh piss off”. And that is what this reminded me of! The Holy Grail! This MUST be allegorical, after all, you always have something on your mind……

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