Ligo Haibun Challenge – In a Haze

My chosen word: Haze

 stock-footage-amsterdam-city-street-in-autumn-morning-the-fo

In a Haze

The gutter looked up at him and it was not impressed with what it saw.

Dirty face, hair a mess of tangles, across his forehead were the remnants of a gel that had once made him attractive to another he or she. 

The gutter being unusually sympathetic, listened, heard a groan, a mumbled curse the speaker a long way from reality.

The gutter was aware that at this early hour the haze of fog and car pollution was at its peak.

How fitting it thought that the two opposites, a human and nature actually had something in common, were one with each other.

The man moved, an inch, looked up, around, sank down and embraced his new friend.

 

nature embraces

so often a second thought

always takes us in

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24 Responses to Ligo Haibun Challenge – In a Haze

  1. This is more pristine gutter talk than the usual! I rather liked the point of view character being the gutter.

    • summerstommy says:

      Pristine eh? You don’t see gutter talk get much of a go here, I thought I might throw it in, see what happens. Thanks for your comment.

  2. nightlake says:

    such a different thinking and a good write-up. Find the idea of the unusually sympathetic gutter interesting

  3. nightlake says:

    You give a life to the gutter with your words and thank you for the contribution

  4. Penny L Howe says:

    I love it! Your approach, while original, is still fascinating and evocative. One of the challenges of writing a haibun is to expand yourself within your written prose, while adhering to the haibun guidelines. You accomplished this so well here. I greatly enjoyed both your haibun and your haiku. I also look forward to your entry next week!

    (A quick side note regarding the 5-7-5 issue. I saw your question on Anelephantcant’s blog)
    Most haiku in English consist of three unrhymed lines of seventeen or fewer syllables, with the middle line longest, although many of today’s poets/writers use a variety of line lengths and arrangements (now that’s confusing isn’t it? lol). In Japanese a typical haiku has seventeen “sounds” arranged five, seven, and five. My personal belief is that the western haiku is still evolving, just my opinion though! And depending on which “expert” you speak to, you’ll get a different opinion. I hope my words were of some value to you. Penny 🙂

    • summerstommy says:

      Thank you Penny, I do appreciate your support and encouragement. This is my first go at this style and I enjoyed the challenge. Thanks too for the guidance re: haiku.
      I’m looking forward to next week as well.

  5. Terrific!
    Just loved this.
    And, please, don’t fret about your comment, we are all learning here, even, it seems, the inestimable Penny!

  6. summerstommy says:

    Thank you for your comment. What would any day be without a lesson to be learned.
    This challenge is a good one. Bring on next week.

  7. kz says:

    a great, original haibun. i love the dark, melancholic voice. 🙂

    • summerstommy says:

      Thank you so much for your comment. Gutters can be like that though it would be interesting one day to write about their happy go lucky life.

  8. Steph says:

    So unique and creative! The gutter taking him in.. wow… I love that.

  9. Peripatetic Eric says:

    Very creative, interesting point of view and a great read.

  10. lepirategunn says:

    Beautiful, dark and evocative. Wonderfully written. The haiku has two main ways of being written, but as Basho,who was the first haiku ‘master’ says, ‘learn the rules then ignore them’! Try a haibun in the 1st person to bring yourself into the picture. Thanks – please stay with us!! http://www.yakutia-coppercure.co.uk/2/post/2013/07/ligo-haibun-challenge-0507-1207.html#.Udfr1vlM_c8

  11. Thanks for the link. I read the words re: the haiku.
    It makes perfect sense to ignore the structure in favour of as you say ‘ flow like a river.’
    I learn something new here every day. Thanks again.

  12. floatinggold says:

    This was so out of the box, but so nicely composed. Nature can be a great friend, and what we usually label as “ugly”, “dirty”, or “useless” can actually turn out to be US.

Please feel free to comment, I appreciate your thoughts.

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