“Paddy, you haven’t a leg to stand on,” she said, “you were seen there, identified as the one there is no point denying it.”
I stood and listened wondering what I could say that might get me out of this tight situation.
“To make it worse, it was your arse that was seen through the window. How humiliating for me, you arse, on display for all to see.”
There was a silence for a moment or two as she waited for me to say something. I could just see her mind ticking over waiting for me to justify my actions.
“Now,” I said having gained some inner strength, “I might go out on a limb here and say it’s very hard for anyone no matter how prejudiced to claim the arse in question was mine. Arses are all the same. Two cheeks and a crack, how could anyone say it was mine?”
“You idiot,” she said rolling her eyes, “you forgot about the tattoo. ‘I’m all Linda’s’ in bold type across both cheeks?”
I stopped what I was about to say when the limb I was out on snapped beneath me and down I went into the proverbial morass of my own making.
The wife left me standing there, totally gormless, unable to utter a word in my defence and laughed hysterically as she left the room.
“Out on a limb.” I heard her say. “You moron Paddy.”