Please accept this letter as an explanation of the recent events that occurred to me at the recent museum opening. That my behaviour caused so much upset and uproar is a source of great embarrassment to me.
I would like to point out some facts of the matter in the hope that I will dispel all and every contentious issue that has arisen.
Yes I did make certain rude comments to the Japanese Ambassador regarding the size of his katana, which the media in their usual irresponsible manner blew completely out of the water. I was not casting any aspersions upon the man’s manhood but rather pointing out that I had seen bigger ones on my many journeys to his country.
Since the evening in question there have been a series of callous and unfounded rumours circulating about the altercation that occurred there after with his Yojimbo. The Ambassadors bodyguard is a loyal servant to the Ambassador and in a show of friendship I did offer the man my hands palm out as a sign of my non-aggression and desire to be forgiven my indiscretion. That he then took upon himself to throw me out in the cold midnight air was not what I considered a display of forgiveness but rather an act of aggression.
I must admit he was taken aback when I called upon the Kami to take slow and painful vengeance upon his person in the event of this encounter.
He backed off immediately and with the Ambassadors assistance order was quickly restored and I was able to get to my feet and re enter the museum.
The Ambassador was keen to show how penitent he was towards me and offered me safe passage on my journey through the forest, which was renown for being the home of brigand group’s intent on bringing grief to foreign travellers.
I hope this letter sets out to clear the air over these recent events, set right the reputation of the Ambassador and myself of the contentious matters that have plagued me of late.
Travis Monkford, Esq.