Tackas’ New Year Resolution

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I’m telling Clancy there’s gonna have to be a feckin change I tell ya.

Why is that Tackas?

Cause I realised that last year I was feckin shite

You were not.

I am I’m feckin tellin’ ya Clancy and I’m gonna do something the feck about it in the New Year.

Like what.

Well you know I can’t lay cricket, I can’t play that feckin’ stupid feckin’ golf and as for driving I’m a danger on the feckin roads.

That’s a bit of an extreme Tackas; you drive ok, in the car park.

Shut the feck up. You aren’t helping. No I’ve decided I have.

What have you decided?

I’m gonna concentrate me feckin’ energy on writin’.

Writing?

Yes feckin’ writin’. What’s wrong with that?

You’re a shit writer.

I am feckin’ not. You heard my mother’s feckin eulogy, had in the palm of me hand I did.

Well yeah you did do well there. So how do you imagine you’ll achieve this writing thing?

I’ve started a feckin blog.

A blog?

Yes, don’t look so feckin’ surprised a feckin’ blog.

And your gonna write on this blog?

Of course I’m gonna write on the fecker, gees Clancy but sometimes you are just so feckin thick it’s sad.

So what’s this blog of yours called?

Prattlinofanirishman.

What sort of names that?

It’s a trendy blog name, they have feckin trendy names in the feckin’ blog world I can feckin tell you now.

Like what?

Well there’s one guy called wintersmicky, a lovely lady called, brainhatescharity, a guy in France called enelephantwouldnt, an american woman who calls herself iuseeveryletterinthealphabet and one of me favourites a young lassie down the road called runningfrommedad. Cool names eh.

And all these people are real Tackas, with names like that I’d be questioning the whole legitimacy of the blogs.

No you not hearing me Clancy, the fancier ya feckin name the more people read your feckin stuff and the more people tell ya how feckin good you are.

I think there’s a little more to it than that.

Feckin hell no. Listen to this, are you ready, ya dumb feck, no appreciating’ culture Clancy.

Go on Tackas, give it a go, impress me

Ok:
A day dawns, the sun in the east

I stir in me bed; my head has been at rest

I wipe the sleep from my eyes

I go to the toilet

I wash my hands after

Germs I have none

A cup of tea is a must

My day begins,

My porridge heated

Out the door

My day is all fun.

Feckin brilliant isn’t it.

You wrote that?

Yes.

Tackas its shit.

Ah get a big woolly bull up ya arse. Ya dumb feck.

Well I guess everyone starts somewhere.

Now ya feckin talkin’. Did feckin’ Keats get his first poem published? No. Did Shakespeare? No. Did Prattlinofanirishman? No.

So you are determined to try this?

Feck yeah, I already posted two poems, and I got two likes.

Two poems two likes, it’s a start.

It’s a great feckin start, even if one of them was me clickin’ on the feckin’ like button by mistake. I’m tellin ya I’m on my feckin way Clancy, just you watch the old Tackas over the next two weeks.

I’ll be keen to see how you go.

I’ll be tellin’ ya, you know that. Now I have to be going I have a date with me feckin’ blogger mate.

Blogger mate? What do you do with a blogger mate?

We are gonna read each other’s new poems and write a feckin criticism for each other.

Oh you doing crits already?

It’s what we feckin’ bloggers do for each other.

Oh I see. So who is this blogger?

Runninfrommedad, now feck off I’ve got to have me thinking’ cap on she’s a sharp bunny this one, uses big words I can tell you.

Big words?

Big feckin words.  Like accommodation, residency, knowledge, its amazing what I feckin learn every time I go on.

Well go for it, I’ll go out and buy a few beers.

Good feckin boy Clancy, go do something useful. Now dada, where the feck are ya?

This entry was posted in Satire and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Tackas’ New Year Resolution

  1. Anja says:

    Guess I should say….Happy New Year

  2. The takes if Clancy & Tackas continues I see, hell I need to get someone to show my work to now, would make life a little easier. Very comical mate oh & 1 hr 10 and it’s whoot whoot time feck yeah lol

  3. “iuseeveryletterinthealphabet”…..lol!! Wonder who that may be 🙂 Happy New Year! I *loved* this post!

  4. Al says:

    Haha these are brilliant. Fantasticmate. Have a great new year

  5. LOLOL!!! Fantastic!! 🙂 🙂

  6. RoSy says:

    LMAO! This is the best! I will be sure to follow Prattlinofanirishman!

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