Friday Fictioneers – Street of Ramps

alley

The mist clouded the garden as the old man stepped into the black limousine.

A hooded figure sat in the drivers seat. ‘I’m ready.’ The old man said as the car glided into the mist.

It was a short ride to the old part of town.

The old man stepped out; the hooded figure pointed a bony finger in the direction he was to follow.

He was not surprised the street was busy.

He joined the end of the queue.

Sigh, he realised his journey was over.

Above him a sign flashed.

The Street of Ramps, always open, never closed.

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55 Responses to Friday Fictioneers – Street of Ramps

  1. Oooh! Atmospheric and portentous, I love it!! 🙂 🙂

  2. wmqcolby says:

    Good job! Very atmospheric.

  3. Bastet says:

    Ooooo….mysterious…loved it!

  4. OOhhh you are getting very clever – your imagination hold no bounds now does it. Very foreboding piece Michael.

  5. RoSy says:

    I like the mysterious other dimention feel to this!

  6. PookyH says:

    I really enjoyed this – it made me think of a painting which I fell in love with as a child (and still love now) it is in the room I slept in in my grandparents house and is an old dark oil painting of a set of dingily lit stairs, perhaps the sort of stairs that might lead to an attic or basement. I was endlessly fascinating by this picture as a kid and would sit for hours making up stories about where the stairs led to! Your image and your words evoked the same sense of wondering…

  7. Anja says:

    Very clever!!! I really like it.

  8. Pingback: Akashic Library: Lord Oberon and Queen Titania for Tea | Bastet and Sekhmet's Library

  9. Darkly intriguing.
    Excellent.

  10. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    I really enjoyed the build up on this one, and was on the edge of my seat for the ending, which, I confess, I found unsatisfying — am I missing the significance of The Street of Ramps? Is there a metaphor there that I’m not aware of? I think with a few more words you could change the ending into something more ominous….

    • Thanks Helena, I agree the ending could be better, but one of the issues with one hundred words is the set up of the story takes so many of them. No the Street of Ramps is something I made up, like a portal to the next word, hence the concluding sentence. But I take on your criticism.

  11. atrm61 says:

    Dark and ominous but then death has always been the mystery we human beings could not solve:-)Great piece Summer!

  12. I love your title. This is most mysterious and dark. I like your original take.

  13. A bit of the “Hotel California” feel, although maybe in reverse.

    janet

  14. annisik51 says:

    We done a similar take on this photo. It is clear your fellow is heading for his ‘death’ whatever that word means. Your story ends on an invisible question mark and mine on a visible one. It is the same question. Interesting read. Ann

  15. annisik51 says:

    P S. I just wonder – your last line – if it’s always open, is it necesssary to add, ‘never closed’? Perhaps it’s about the rhythm of the line. Ann

  16. I guess it’s the hooded figure, like the grim reaper but this made me think of Dickens.

  17. Taygibay says:

    Very nice, especially considering the location of the picture and its Death related history. May I nitpick though and wonder if the second figure in the long double central sentence, the bony one, should not read finger instead?
    And wholly agreed with your comments to Helena & Annisik51 about the “cheating” ( as I see it ) implied or brought about by the short short format. I usually write first and definitive versions myself without problems and yet have to correct and rewrite a lot for Friday Fictioneers stories.
    Oh well, part of the charm of the exercise, I guess?
    Good day to youn Tommy, Tay.

    • Thanks Tay, you were right and correction made.Thank you for your comment the format does sometimes require the reader to assume a number of things. Great comment, please call again.

  18. Dear Summer,

    I hear Blood, Sweat and Tears singing, “I’m the stranger in the black sedan, won’t you step inside my car…”
    Nice one.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  19. zookyworld says:

    A hooded driver with a bony finger pointing … too bad he didn’t simply drive the old man to a really good Italian restaurant and point out the daily specials. Kidding — your story was well done in its foreboding of where the driver was taking him. Hope the old man makes some friends in that long line on the ramp.

  20. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers – Street of Ramps | seekingstories

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