I love you Dad

This week is the anniversary of my worst ever week.

A year ago I spent this week with my father as he gasped his way to his death.

2012-01-04 09.17.56Dad with Great Granddaughter Dakota

each morning a long drive

longer as the week went on

dreading what I would find.

bedridden,

hooked up to oxygen bottles

nurses

massage

pain

discomfort

distressing

congestion choking

smothering you

you held my hand, me yours.

one day in desperation I cried out

how much longer do you have to suffer?

we took photos

only to remember,

you, not the pain.

every day I sat there

we chatted

well I did

you nodded

about whatever

anything but face the reality.

you said I don’t think I can get out of this

I said Dad maybe this is your end

unpleasant, but this is your lot.

words so difficult to say.

my father a strong independent man

reduced by times ravages

afraid, his end, distressing to all

his last morning, showered,

shaved,

shined one last time,

communion,

we planned Saturday’s betting

then you left, just like that,

a nurse, God bless her

she stayed with us

she said, I think he’s going.

you lay your head back, our hands locked together

you slipped away, out of the misery of this world

to where I believe is a better place.

all I could do was kiss you

I love you dad.

Vale –  Tommy.

September 27, 2012.

This entry was posted in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to I love you Dad

  1. I am glad that you held his hand as he slipped away, not many get to do that..to be there.. as heartbreaking as it would be to watch your dad pass, the memories of his last moments and indeed his life are in your heart forever. RIP ‘dad’ your son loves you very much. {hugs}

  2. This is the time I am dreading next summer, but then I have got through my birthday and his would-have-been 61st birthday so far. And I’m still in one piece, just about.

    A very moving tribute to your dad. Being there at the end – it’s almost impossible to describe, isn’t it? My very best wishes to you and your family.

  3. This brought tears to my eyes (hugs)

  4. Cubby says:

    It is so hard at the end when we feel so helpless, but I can imagine that the comfort received by knowing that we are not alone as we leave this world is beyond compare. I hope you can remember the happy times this week with your father and find joy in the memories of him being alive as opposed to how he was at the end.

  5. Anja says:

    You gave your father comfort and love as he passed away. What a wonderful gift although I know it comes at a cost to you. You know, we have similar experiences losing our fathers. I was also able to hold my dad’s hand when he died and I cherish every moment of it. Facing death, I can’t begin to wonder how it felt to be in each of their situations…but we, their children, stayed with them, loved them, comforted them as far as we could go on their journey. The first year for me was the hardest. I can’t say it gets “easier” but you will be able to step back and see things differently a bit with the passage of time.
    I am here for you if you need anything 🙂

  6. RoSy says:

    May your dad continue to rest in peace.
    {Hugs}

  7. Sun says:

    ☼hugs – you were blessed to be there with you dad until the end. my dad was alone. sudden death. this quote i keep with me and read it often especially when memories come flooding in.

    “The angels are always near to those who are grieving,
    to whisper to them
    that their loved ones are safe
    in the hand of God.”
    Eileen Elias Freeman.
    ♥abundant blessings and peace♥

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