This week is the anniversary of my worst ever week.
A year ago I spent this week with my father as he gasped his way to his death.
Dad with Great Granddaughter Dakota
each morning a long drive
longer as the week went on
dreading what I would find.
bedridden,
hooked up to oxygen bottles
nurses
massage
pain
discomfort
distressing
congestion choking
smothering you
you held my hand, me yours.
one day in desperation I cried out
how much longer do you have to suffer?
we took photos
only to remember,
you, not the pain.
every day I sat there
we chatted
well I did
you nodded
about whatever
anything but face the reality.
you said I don’t think I can get out of this
I said Dad maybe this is your end
unpleasant, but this is your lot.
words so difficult to say.
my father a strong independent man
reduced by times ravages
afraid, his end, distressing to all
his last morning, showered,
shaved,
shined one last time,
communion,
we planned Saturday’s betting
then you left, just like that,
a nurse, God bless her
she stayed with us
she said, I think he’s going.
you lay your head back, our hands locked together
you slipped away, out of the misery of this world
to where I believe is a better place.
all I could do was kiss you
I love you dad.
Vale – Tommy.
September 27, 2012.
Morpethroad 
I am glad that you held his hand as he slipped away, not many get to do that..to be there.. as heartbreaking as it would be to watch your dad pass, the memories of his last moments and indeed his life are in your heart forever. RIP ‘dad’ your son loves you very much. {hugs}
Thanks Jen, It’s been a hard morning, I didn’t intend to write that piece today at least….thanks you.xx
thoughts are with you my friend (hug)
(Hug back)
This is the time I am dreading next summer, but then I have got through my birthday and his would-have-been 61st birthday so far. And I’m still in one piece, just about.
A very moving tribute to your dad. Being there at the end – it’s almost impossible to describe, isn’t it? My very best wishes to you and your family.
Thank you Freya, that’s a lovely thing to say, Yes it is a tough time for me this week, lots of memories, not many good ones. Thanks again.xx
xx
xox
This brought tears to my eyes (hugs)
Thank you its going to be a rough few days, thank you again for reading.(hug back)
It is so hard at the end when we feel so helpless, but I can imagine that the comfort received by knowing that we are not alone as we leave this world is beyond compare. I hope you can remember the happy times this week with your father and find joy in the memories of him being alive as opposed to how he was at the end.
Thank you so much Cubby, I do appreciate your thoughts at this time.
You gave your father comfort and love as he passed away. What a wonderful gift although I know it comes at a cost to you. You know, we have similar experiences losing our fathers. I was also able to hold my dad’s hand when he died and I cherish every moment of it. Facing death, I can’t begin to wonder how it felt to be in each of their situations…but we, their children, stayed with them, loved them, comforted them as far as we could go on their journey. The first year for me was the hardest. I can’t say it gets “easier” but you will be able to step back and see things differently a bit with the passage of time.
I am here for you if you need anything 🙂
Thank you Anja, I know that, and I’m comforted knowing you are.
May your dad continue to rest in peace.
{Hugs}
Thank you Rosy, you have all been so lovely to me today…(hugs back)
☼hugs – you were blessed to be there with you dad until the end. my dad was alone. sudden death. this quote i keep with me and read it often especially when memories come flooding in.
“The angels are always near to those who are grieving,
to whisper to them
that their loved ones are safe
in the hand of God.”
Eileen Elias Freeman.
♥abundant blessings and peace♥
Thanks so much Sun, that’s a beautiful comment and I appreciate you sharing with me.(hugs back)