Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 46


This was a perplexing task in that the obvious answer for me is to talk about myself again. I could discuss history repeating itself with the orange man, but we know all about that.

I was married for 23 years, and at the end of it, I vowed to myself that I would never allow myself to be in that oppressive situation again. It seemed a reasonable resolution to make as the abuse I suffered has been life changing and I am now the man I am.

I stuck to my resolution for quite some time. I did engage in another relationship, which at first was about love and equality. I found a mind to match it with myself.

Everything went along well until I began to notice that my new partner believing she was doing me a favour set about to change me into a ‘better’ version of me.

It wasn’t long before it dawned on me that the oppression of my marriage was being repeated in this new relationship albeit under a different guise.

So here was history repeating itself. Here was me feeling more and more crap because I was where I had vowed I never would be.

When it all ended, I did get some counselling and my counsellor, a lovely chap in himself, suggested the next time I decide to enter into a relationship that I run the idea past him to get a more objective view of what I might be letting myself in for.

I haven’t had cause to do that.


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11 Responses to Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 46

  1. Reena Saxena says:

    The sad part is that while entering a relationship, some of us are not clear about the reasons for doing so. And it is late when we realize. The way I see it, your sensitivity to the issue increased with time.

    I see youngsters discuss practical things like who will pay the mortgage EMIs, and wonder if they have missed out on the emotional part, or are on more stable ground for their individuality than we were. They are also quick to disengage. The concept of soulmate has morphed into ‘perfect companion’. I don’t think it’s bad.

  2. Suzanne says:

    Well said. 🙂 I can relate.

  3. I never understand why people get so into changing the person they are with. If you love someone, then you love that person as he or she is. No changes should be necessary (unless of course, they are self-harming).

  4. My first marriage only lasted 3 years and was a mistake. My second relationship started off well until his true colours began to show. I stayed because I felt a responsibility to his two young children, and thought this was a life I wanted. How gullible and easy to manipulate I was. But I learned that there are several forms of cruelty, they don’t have to be physical or visible.

  5. Pingback: Reena’s Exploration Challenge – Week 47 – Reena Saxena

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