“Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind.”
It’s what rolled in my head today as we laid you to rest.
I never thought this day would arrive. Everyone gets sick, you go to the doctor, there’s a pill or some medicine to take. You rest you recover.
That’s the way it’s supposed to go. Isn’t it?
You aren’t supposed to get worse.
More treatments and more hope.
We hung onto that believing that any day you’d come good.
The final diagnosis was too much.
All hope gone.
All we had was time.
Each morning we sat in the sun, held hands, talked oddly of futures.
Yours we had written on a small piece of paper, stuck on the fridge.
When the inevitable arrived, we said goodbye,
The fighting, the anger all gone
Just a peace between us
A letting go, and I waited until after you’d gone
Trying to stay strong as you slipped away forever.
Then I fell apart
For two days, I was distraught.
Then I thought what you would want of me now?
So here I am, remembering, my life was so like…
“Round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel…
Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind.”