Collage by Laura Bloomsbury
I don’t think it could ever be said that wisdom was a trait you possessed in any amount that might be considered staggering.
You did like honey though.
And you buzzed around the place, literally and it drove me crazy. It was like a reflex action you had to stress and living with me was obviously all the motivation you needed to set you off.
I remember our first date it was not as I expected. You said as we sat down in Aubrey’s Grill and Spill in beautiful Bloomfield that there was something you needed to get out of the way before we started.
I was all attention as I really did fancy you back then.
You said that you were into the meaning of relationships and that you wanted us to be open and honest. I know you were pointing me in the direction that you thought would bring us closer together.
Where I had a spiel already about how wonderful, smart and intelligent I was you focused on what we didn’t have. The flaws you recognized in yourself and then wanted me to detail my own.
If we put everything out on the table to begin with then maybe as our relationship developed we’d understand each other much better.
I thought you were nuts at the time.
And that is how it all began. Me thinking of my flaws, and I had plenty and you discovered even more. There were times when I felt I had become a wooden man, ghostlike in so many ways as the real me, the out there extrovert was being pushed back into some place from which he never came.
You did love the sea though and you allowed me to love the sea as you did. Your dad took us many a time on his fishing trawler, it was hard work but hard physical work was what you loved. Getting down and getting dirty, fish guts and baited hooks, nets and ice we did it all.
So our lives revolved around the here and now. We knew each other inside and out. It did allow us to laugh about ourselves and it allow us to have arguments about anything from which TV show to watch to who to vote for and why in the coming elections.
Now I watch you as you struggle with yet another obstacle in your path. Illness and one you are fighting day by day. This illness suits you if such a thing can be said as it does present you with day to day challenges. You don’t think ahead, you never did, it’s what is happening now at this very moment that is all you focus on.
I feel more connected than ever. I never thought I’d say that as my collected wisdom has made me weary, but has also made me the man I am.
I do notice though that the buzzing has stopped of late.