Writing Prompt #167 “Collage Special Edition” – The Man I Am

1collage

Collage by Laura Bloomsbury

I don’t think it could ever be said that wisdom was a trait you possessed in any amount that might be considered staggering.

You did like honey though.

And you buzzed around the place, literally and it drove me crazy. It was like a reflex action you had to stress and living with me was obviously all the motivation you needed to set you off.

I remember our first date it was not as I expected. You said as we sat down in Aubrey’s Grill and Spill in beautiful Bloomfield that there was something you needed to get out of the way before we started.

I was all attention as I really did fancy you back then.

You said that you were into the meaning of relationships and that you wanted us to be open and honest. I know you were pointing me in the direction that you thought would bring us closer together.

Where I had a spiel already about how wonderful, smart and intelligent I was you focused on what we didn’t have. The flaws you recognized in yourself and then wanted me to detail my own.

If we put everything out on the table to begin with then maybe as our relationship developed we’d understand each other much better.

I thought you were nuts at the time.

And that is how it all began. Me thinking of my flaws, and I had plenty and you discovered even more. There were times when I felt I had become a wooden man, ghostlike in so many ways as the real me, the out there extrovert was being pushed back into some place from which he never came.

You did love the sea though and you allowed me to love the sea as you did. Your dad took us many a time on his fishing trawler, it was hard work but hard physical work was what you loved. Getting down and getting dirty, fish guts and baited hooks, nets and ice we did it all.

So our lives revolved around the here and now. We knew each other inside and out. It did allow us to laugh about ourselves and it allow us to have arguments about anything from which TV show to watch to who to vote for and why in the coming elections.

Now I watch you as you struggle with yet another obstacle in your path. Illness and one you are fighting day by day. This illness suits you if such a thing can be said as it does present you with day to day challenges. You don’t think ahead, you never did, it’s what is happening now at this very moment that is all you focus on.

I feel more connected than ever. I never thought I’d say that as my collected wisdom has made me weary, but has also made me the man I am.

I do notice though that the buzzing has stopped of late.

 

Written for: https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2016/07/10/writing-prompt-167-collage-special-edition/

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28 Responses to Writing Prompt #167 “Collage Special Edition” – The Man I Am

  1. Those opening lines made me smile, this is a very deep character portrait, very moving, very realistic and those closing lines really tug the heart strings. I also like the comparison you made between yourself and the wooden man

  2. Oliana says:

    Great story, Michael. I could so relate to the beginning of the relationship…brought be back in time. Your ending is so very moving. I enjoyed reading this so much, I read it twice!

  3. Shadeau says:

    Lots of great lines in here–I’m caught by this, the 2nd post in a week, which speaks of “wearying wisdom”….maybe that’s what I’m suffering…

    • Michael says:

      Never with you Stella, just hit refresh each day and away you will go…

      • Shadeau says:

        I think I may have broken the “refresh” toggle switch–waiting for delivery of a new one 🙂 I feel like swearing a blue streak…though I know it won’t really help. Did I mention how much I HATE Depression??

      • Michael says:

        Yes I think you have on a few occasions…do you have any strategies to deal with it? Maybe having a good old swear if you feel that way is the way to go??
        Write a post about it…getting it out is maybe better than holding it in…

      • Shadeau says:

        I do write it out in bits and pieces…and then sometimes I have to just quit blogging…but I keep telling myself THIS blog MUST stay, no matter what 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Not only should the blog stay but you should too as its has to be a good thing the interactions you have with so many of us?? When you disappear you are lost to us and us to you, contact no matter how hard is worth while I would think for no other reason than all the entertaining we can provide you with….

      • Shadeau says:

        Lovely words–and yes, there’s plenty of entertainment hereabouts! The only tough part about being alone, for me, is that there’s no other voice but my own fatigued self to say, “things will look better tomorrow”. And I’m about ready to punch her 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Well lets hope she doesn’t punch back…but I know what you mean…being alone does suck and we have to deal with that..I know that one…..its never easy….

      • Shadeau says:

        My neighbor (the one I speak with) is President of the Eternal Optimists and Insane…I would punch him too, but I just gave him a piece of cake I baked yesterday. I told him he’s afflicted with “speculative optimism”–since he’ll base his “encouragements” to me on a single event…which I’ve now pointed out to him usually do not last… 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Well I think many optimists are insane so your neighbour is probably normal in that regard…but I’d keep giving him cake and chatting to him as much you can just for the human contact value it brings you…

      • Shadeau says:

        Oh I will–we’ve gone through ups and downs, made a lot of progress in the friendship arena…though we’re still different as day ‘n night…and though it kills me to admit it, he taught me how to cook a roast so it’s fork-tender!!

      • Shadeau says:

        PS–and I’m just as insane as he is, merely a different style… 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Well Stella we are all on the insane spectrum you know, just some folk are a little further along than others…

      • Shadeau says:

        Yes, and some days I fall completely off the chart! Oh well… hey, I hope you’ll read my Uncle A story (features Stella in another role) 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Ok will do…

  4. wildchild47 says:

    Great and very interesting story unfolding here – and I have to ask, but by no means feel necessary to share or elaborate if not “suitable” – but is this happening with your ex? Or did you just write from personal experience and then create the ending from the ether, as it were? Just curious – but it’s such a telling story – creative and really great and unexpected use of the collage – which is interesting. 🙂

    • Michael says:

      Ahh now young Pat I did read your question carefully and then went back and re read the post. This all came about after listening to Alain De Button the philosopher talking about a new book he has out where he discusses the nature of relationships. he contends that we should begin our first date by laying out all our faults and flaws, get them all out there and then go from there. He also says there should be more effort put into the middle years of any relationship rather than people become complacent in their lives…I think we have all heard of that argument. So with all that in mind I went from there……so to answer your question most of it was from the ether…lol……glad you found it interesting though, as by now you would know I am interesting…lol

      • wildchild47 says:

        You are definitely an interesting person Michael 🙂 And thanks for the explanation. 🙂

        As for getting all the garbage out in the open right off? Okay, that’s just total b.s. It’s no more honest than trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. Honesty is the key – and most people are less than honest with themselves …. so let’s face it, there will always be things that come up. But I do think many people become complacent over time – we get comfortable with things, or things change enough that suddenly we don’t like it, or the how the other person is, etc. or we realize whatever about ourselves, the others etc. and things suddenly start walking sideways. But that seems to be human nature. And of course, this is only my opinion.

      • Michael says:

        Well never having tried out the reveal all method first up I tend to agree it is and could be a very foolish thing to do..

      • wildchild47 says:

        I’ve been involved with people, just “friends” and for whatever reason, they took this approach – and believe me, it’s not a good thing. Well maybe the way they decided to go about it wasn’t all sh*t hot either – they were very manipulative and underhanded – those who wear smiles while they are sitting there lying to you? kind of thing – and dumb me didn’t see it coming – anyhow …. doesn’t matter now – but the “blargh” approach really does nothing other than focus on the negative – and if you start off of this foot – it’s too easy to keep staying there.

      • Michael says:

        I get what you are saying…I don’t think you can do that until you’ve established some sense of trust between people…..

      • wildchild47 says:

        yes … I think so

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