Bott was very proud of his new book. It had taken him to most countries around the world and many years of hard and earnest work to bring the twelve-hundred-page tome to publication.
That he was the world’s authority on Universal Cerfin meant that it was beholding of him to make it clear in the opening pages of his volume just what Universal Cerfin actually was. That it took him forty pages to achieve that was accredit to him and gave his book far more credibility than he ever imaged. After all, in most academic circles it was the length of the introduction that so often determined the academic value of any text. Bott of course was no stranger to academia. He had studied at the University of Kickamoocow in outback Australia and received in 2015 his PhDee from the auspicious University of the Auspicious in Upper Downtown Slowdtoacrawl.
His academic qualifications were the envy of many and a mystery most. Universal Cerfin, Bott espoused in his vast and terribly interesting volume was the study of Fairy Culture and Fairy Ritual.
From the backyard fairy gardens of Australia to the front yard gardens of Eastern Europe to the vast cactus yards of the American west to the small diligently manicured gardens of the west coast he travelled and gather what he needed.
And he met many an interesting fairy along the way. The somewhat unhappy and yet surprisingly happy fairies of the Eastern European countries many of whom shunned other fairies and had cats as constant companions and in whom they confided as they believed they were far more trustworthy and believable than other fairy folk. Their evening ritual of dancing around their cats in attempt to distract them from what the fairies believed were evil thoughts the cats had about eating the fairy owner should he/she look sideways. This fascinated him and he took many notes and illustrations which he displayed on pages 110 – 113 of his impressive book.
The whole point of the Book of Universal Cerfin is to illustrate that within fairy culture ritual plays a significant part in the day to day lives of all fairies. They start with morning rituals which range from vigorous face washing to less than vigorous morning ablutions to evening rituals of putting the cat in its place in the cultures that pay homage to the cat to cultures where the burning of small fires at the end of day symbolize the successful end to another day where they have all managed to survive.
But of course the most elaborate rituals occurred on the American west coast where fairy communities in the areas where gardens were treated with the upmost care and not a blade of grass was out of place reflected their environment. These were the anally focused fairies for their ability to blend into the gardens so meticulously tended, meant their survival. They found the gardens with garden ornaments the most favourable and they would congregate in gardens with concrete frogs and perform sophisticated rituals of frog worship careful not to leave any trace of their being there. They feared expulsion as their minute size often meant they were gathered and dumped in the green waste bins.
It wasn’t easy being a fairy Bott concluded there were so many natural enemies to contend with and so many rituals that necessity demanded they perform.
On Saturday the 31st Bott launched his text at the Extraordinary Bookshop in the Centre of Downtown Uptown. A small number of curious people attended, looked at his book and as he was signing copies bought one each and went home thinking it would make a perfect door stop.
Needless to say Bott never received the accolades he thought he deserved, his book was never a best seller, not one Hollywood producer rang him with a movie offer and several Eastern European countries placed a ban on him entering their country ever again.
Never to be phased Bott set out on researching his second volume, Universal Cerfin, A Beginners Guide, Fairy Rituals To Do at Home.