Tale weaver #73 June 23rd – Making Sense of Nonsense – The Book of Universal Cerfin


Bott was very proud of his new book. It had taken him to most countries around the world and many years of hard and earnest work to bring the twelve-hundred-page tome to publication.

That he was the world’s authority on Universal Cerfin meant that it was beholding of him to make it clear in the opening pages of his volume just what Universal Cerfin actually was. That it took him forty pages to achieve that was accredit to him and gave his book far more credibility than he ever imaged. After all, in most academic circles it was the length of the introduction that so often determined the academic value of any text. Bott of course was no stranger to academia. He had studied at the University of Kickamoocow in outback Australia and received in 2015 his PhDee from the auspicious University of the Auspicious in Upper Downtown Slowdtoacrawl.

His academic qualifications were the envy of many and a mystery most. Universal Cerfin, Bott espoused in his vast and terribly interesting volume was the study of Fairy Culture and Fairy Ritual.

From the backyard fairy gardens of Australia to the front yard gardens of Eastern Europe to the vast cactus yards of the American west to the small diligently manicured gardens of the west coast he travelled and gather what he needed.

And he met many an interesting fairy along the way. The somewhat unhappy and yet surprisingly happy fairies of the Eastern European countries many of whom shunned other fairies and had cats as constant companions and in whom they confided as they believed they were far more trustworthy and believable than other fairy folk. Their evening ritual of dancing around their cats in attempt to distract them from what the fairies believed were evil thoughts the cats had about eating the fairy owner should he/she look sideways. This fascinated him and he took many notes and illustrations which he displayed on pages 110 – 113 of his impressive book.

The whole point of the Book of Universal Cerfin is to illustrate that within fairy culture ritual plays a significant part in the day to day lives of all fairies. They start with morning rituals which range from vigorous face washing to less than vigorous morning ablutions to evening rituals of putting the cat in its place in the cultures that pay homage to the cat to cultures where the burning of small fires at the end of day symbolize the successful end to another day where they have all managed to survive.

But of course the most elaborate rituals occurred on the American west coast where fairy communities in the areas where gardens were treated with the upmost care and not a blade of grass was out of place reflected their environment. These were the anally focused fairies for their ability to blend into the gardens so meticulously tended, meant their survival. They found the gardens with garden ornaments the most favourable and they would congregate in gardens with concrete frogs and perform sophisticated rituals of frog worship careful not to leave any trace of their being there. They feared expulsion as their minute size often meant they were gathered and dumped in the green waste bins.

It wasn’t easy being a fairy Bott concluded there were so many natural enemies to contend with and so many rituals that necessity demanded they perform.

On Saturday the 31st Bott launched his text at the Extraordinary Bookshop in the Centre of Downtown Uptown. A small number of curious people attended, looked at his book and as he was signing copies bought one each and went home thinking it would make a perfect door stop.

Needless to say Bott never received the accolades he thought he deserved, his book was never a best seller, not one Hollywood producer rang him with a movie offer and several Eastern European countries placed a ban on him entering their country ever again.

Never to be phased Bott set out on researching his second volume, Universal Cerfin, A Beginners Guide, Fairy Rituals To Do at Home.


Written for: https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2016/06/23/tale-weaver-73-june-23rd-making-sense-of-nonsense/

This entry was posted in Uncategorized, Writing prompt and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Tale weaver #73 June 23rd – Making Sense of Nonsense – The Book of Universal Cerfin

  1. Soul Gifts says:

    University of Kickamoocow, lol!!! maybe I should have gone to that one. Bott is obviously dedicated to his research despite the lack of interest and fame. Enjoyed this story.

  2. kim881 says:

    I agree, it’s not easy being a fairy!

  3. Shadeau says:

    My favorite part among a post full of gems, is the idea that the professor’s intro to his book was so lengthy! I suspect my experience, contrary to the professor’s–would be to write a long long long intro–and then have nothing more to say, end of story.

    • Michael says:

      Thank you Stella, glad you could smile at all the nonsense, are you considering a contribution to all this nonsense?

      • Shadeau says:

        I don’t think so, Michael–it’s a bit beyond my range, and would take more energy than I have to write something worth posting. As I said in my comment, there would likely be a long intro–and nothing else 🙂 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Long intros are good Stella but I understand it’s your call..

      • Shadeau says:

        If something suddenly sparks, I’ll go with it–you can count on that 🙂 I just didn’t want you to have disappointed expectations 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Never my dear…

      • Shadeau says:

        Oh good 🙂 I’m working on a 1500-piece jigsaw puzzle to clear my mind in between “writes”–it is Van Gogh’s outdoor cafe at night scene 🙂 Do you enjoy jigsaw puzzles by chance?

      • Michael says:

        Well yes and no…..if I think I have a chance of completing it then yes but if it is a 12″x12″ blue sky then no. But I imagine the one you are doing would be most interesting.

      • Shadeau says:

        I agree–I wouldn’t choose a circular one, or monochromatic, or any too difficult/odd thing. I go by the picture, what I like. I started with 500-piece ones but quickly got those done, so moved to 1000-piece. Being a true Vincent fan, when I saw this one was 1500 pieces I didn’t hesitate too long–plus it was selling at a discounted price, always a draw for me 🙂 However, I confess that when I first got all the pieces out which barely fit on my small dining table, I had an attack of fear–so I had to talk to myself a bit…and now I’m going at it full bore 🙂 Writers need a distraction of some sort–and TV/movies don’t always fit the bill…and I certainly can’t cook/bake all the time, as my one good nabe has gained significant weight from my offerings! I meant to ask you–are you still looking after your grandson regularly?? Or have your health issues worsened? I truly hope not.

      • Michael says:

        I am doing well Stella visit my dr tomorrow to see how I am doing but nothing a total body make over couldn’t fix. I look after my gson on Monday afternoons for an hour or so….all is good…

      • Shadeau says:

        A total body make-over–now that sounds like fodder for one of your great stories! I keep you in my prayers–on my blog list of folks I nag God about nightly 🙂 Bid you goodnight for now–until later manana 🙂

      • Michael says:

        Good night my wind down time now…

      • Shadeau says:

        Winding down–such a nice phrase 🙂

  4. Lyn says:

    I think I heard him speak at a town hall meeting at Mamungkukumpurangkuntjunya Hill 🙂

  5. Pingback: The One – soulgifts – Telling Tales

  6. TamrahJo says:

    PUHLEASE!!! Can you tell the Fairies they are safe, to migrate here? That their magic, while perhaps not always understood is protected and they always have a safe spot to dance and commune with the garden?!? 🙂 Wonderful post! Western World Humans can use all the Fairy Magic and Joy to be had, in their lives – me thinks – 🙂 Tech and Busy world such a drag, really…. just when can we all gather at sunrise/sundown and dance? 🙂

  7. julespaige says:

    Delightful. I enjoyed this tale very much. And another friend enjoyed my first piece on this prompt so much I was encourage to write (well at least for the moment one) sequel.

    Big John’s Serfs?

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