This week’s task: REWRITE YOUR RESUMÉ in a new light.
Name: Thomas Summers
Address: 16 Fairy Tale Avenue, Fernville, NSW Australia.
Born: 30th October 1953, he was very young at the time.
Age 0 – 5 Toilet trained, speech learned, manners and a love of reading developed.
Age 6: Classed as a child progeny.
Age 7: Re classed a Child Wastrel.
Age 12: Translated War and Peace into Latin. Sold one copy – Thanks to his mum.
Age 13: Began High School
Age 14: Told to start again.
Age 16: Discovered girls weren’t all that horrible after all. In fact they looked a whole lot better than his sporting mates, at least a lot softer.
Age 17: Completed High School, walked the Kododa Trail backwards, fell in love with Emma Standen, Mary Jones and Betty Gold.
Age 18: Discovered he was a sexual stud and relished his new found reputation, realised tally marks were more than a mathematical tool.
Age 20: Wrote his first novel; I was a Teenage Stud: number one bestseller at the Morpeth Newsagency 1973.
Age 23: Graduated University, Degree in Compliancy, First class honours in Procrastination.
Age 24: Climbed Mt Everest, first man to do so on a diet of baked beans.
Age 25: wrote his first major award-winning novel: All Answers to the Meaning of Life.
Age 27: Nobel Prize for Literature for his novel: Travels with a Gouty Toe.
Age 29: married Amy Armstrong.
Age 30: First child born, Marcus James
Age 35: Second child Amelia Rose, gained employment at All stars University…
Age 36: Survives rumours of sexual impropriety and paid huge extortion to Patsy Pansy to shut her up…Wife leaves him for a man from Serbia who promises her the world and more. Years later she comes back penniless, childless and homeless.
Age 40: Writes award winning novel: The Meaning of Life and Toasted Sandwiches.
Age 41 – 50 Kept low profile, forced to pay back monies embezzled and holidayed at Her Majesties Prison Darcyville
Age 50 – 60 Re-established self, worked as a grocery packer; meat packer and clothes line installer.
Current age: 62: Working as a full stop on a road gang, has found his place in the world, is happy, his children love him one day hate him the next, is writing a new novel: From Wastrel to Wastrel a Life in Perspective.