Tale Weaver # 55 Making Sense of Nonsense – Agrotive

series_Nonsense

Today’s word to play with is “agrotive”. Use it in any form you wish but in a way that explains the meaning you attach to it.

Charles had acquired an agrotive ability. He liked to exercise his agrotive abilities at every opportunity.

He wasn’t the smartest person you were likely to come across but there was no mistaking his agrotive skills.

You see Charles could communicate with angels.

It was fortunate for him that at that very moment in time there were two divine entities looking for a way to communicate with the human rabble, for that is how they saw them.

Charles thought it rather spectacular that the angel of God would appear at the end of his bed. The bright shimmering light gave way to the forlorn sight of Greg, God’s angel on earth looking as he did so often very down in the mouth with a cup and saucer in hand sipping tea from time to time.

Greg had a friend, Wayne, who came from the other end of the divine spectrum.

Wayne was Hell’s representative on earth and as such always looked smug and happy.

It was no secret that Hell served the best coffee and the only place in eternity to get a decent ham sandwich and Wayne would often show up in Charles’ room, sandwich in one hand and a skim latte in the other and eat them in front of Greg.

Charles had learned from Greg that Heaven was famous for the slow cooked casserole and Greg often had bits dribbling on his heavenly attire.

Today Charles needed their help.

He was in a dilemma and divine intervention was called for, especially if you could get it.

The issue lay with Maisie Dotes. Maisie had an identical twin sister in Dozie Dotes and the girls were known to swap around when it came to boyfriends but Charles knew it was Maisie who bothered him as Dozie was in prison after she and her boyfriend Jake “The Loser” Carter had tried to rob the bank. It all went well until at the end Jake realised in his excitement he had forgotten to wear his mask.

So as Charles sat on his bed with Wayne and Greg either side of him he told them of his flirtations with Maisie.

Greg said to be cautious. Women could be dodgy.

Wayne wanted to know if he had gotten any from Maisie. Charles looked at him in puzzlement.

‘Sex,’ stated Wayne taking another bite from his ham sandwich…

Charles gulped and said no.

‘Sex isn’t everything,’ piped in Greg, eyeing off Wayne’s sandwich and committing sin by coveting his neighbour’s sandwich.

“How would you know?’ asked Wayne, ‘you lot are all of no fixed gender, its just speculation on your part. We on the other hand have it all, do it all and love it all.’

Charles had the sense that this wasn’t helping him at all and like so many other times when the Angels had come together they ended up arguing over who was the better and how much better that was.

Charles had had enough. He pulled his sheets up over his head causing the two bickering angels to cease their bickering.

‘Charles,’ said Greg. ’We are trying to help.’

‘Yes,’ added Wayne. ‘We just have different views on the subject. I have a view, Greg has nothing.’

“I have God and righteousness on my side, he has sin and promiscuity on his.’

‘At least I have a side, you have a bump, a nothing.’

‘Shut up!’ said Charles. ‘Should I ask Maisie to the dance on Friday? Yes or no?’

‘Yes,’ replied Wayne. ‘Go get um cowboy.’

‘No,’ answered Greg. ‘You’ve no idea where she has been and what diseases she may be harbouring.’

‘That’s all a bit fatalistic isn’t it,’ said Wayne

‘Life’s like that, you can never be too sure.’

Charles looked at one then the other. ‘I’m going to sleep right now. I feel I have exhausted by agrotive powers for one night. Good night gentlemen, I’ll see you when I next don’t need your advice.’ He fell back against his pillows and was almost immediately asleep.

Greg looked at Wayne and then at his ham sandwich.

‘Oh for goodness sake Greg, here take the thing, plenty more where that came from.’

‘I thought we gave him good advice,’ said Greg munching away and feeling the sheer wonder of a decent ham sandwich.

 

Agrotive: the ability to speak with angels

 

Written for: https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2016/03/03/tale-weaver-55-making-sense-of-nonsense-agrotive/

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35 Responses to Tale Weaver # 55 Making Sense of Nonsense – Agrotive

  1. “”Dozie Dotes, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid will eat ivy too, wouldn’t you.’ Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” “Any coleslaw to go with those ham sandwiches (I know there isn’t any mayo or mustard — devilled ham you say?” She added, “Great tale weaving! I do enjoy your pals.”

  2. Cara Hartley says:

    Love, love, love this one! I always enjoy your writing, but this piece is truly stellar. I love these characters. They’re such oddballs, yet very relatable.

  3. wildchild47 says:

    I’m so glad that these two have returned …. along with tea and ham sandwiches 😉

    *snorting* ….. delightful tale …. and of course, the point being epic in blowing it all out of proportion …. a simple question and no answers … none clear and easy … I mean sheesh …. out to a dance and the devil already presumes the poor guy is going to go for broke and the angel coveting his neighbour’s sandwich (talk about hysterical Michael) jumps on the same bandwagon! Talk about virtuous! Hardly …..

    Great story …. agrotive : = you define as speaking to angels …. I’m thinking it might be more like asking the questions and never getting a clear and easy understandable answer therefore perhaps agrotive = chaos 😉

    Love the tale 🙂

  4. Oh my goodness! I thoroughly enjoyed this tale!! I sure hope you’ve written books because you have real talent!

  5. julespaige says:

    Oh… there are more Posts with your two angels – I may have to look them up. I think sometimes my eyes get crossed and I thought Charles had a way with angles…the mathematical kind… Now that too would be funny. And the rhyme just too cute. Twins – I once new a set that were exactly the same but opposite – the whirls of their hair went in opposite directions. And another set that were well completely different, height and hair.

    Thanks for stopping by my addition. 🙂

  6. Pingback: To Ham or Not To Ham? – wild child in the fields

  7. Pingback: Wordle #101 “March 14, 2016” – The Novitiate. | Morpethroad

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