Image: “Writing on the Sand,” Dante Gabriel Rossetti, 1859
Dear Miss Gunneroute
I thank you for your recent application for the advertised position of a part time weekend lover.
I was very impressed with your references as they were from the leading private hotels in London and Paris. Each spoke in glowing terms of you.
I am afraid though that you appear to be over qualified for a position I have in mind.
Thank you for your application
Sir Alfred Prick Esq.
Dear Sir Alfred,
I received your reply this morning and I am grateful for such a prompt reply to my application.
I wish to assure you that I would never consider myself over qualified as a part time weekend lover.
Every man is different with different desires and needs and I am very skilled at meeting whatever need you feel you have. Please give my application further consideration.
Marigold Gunneroute, Miss
Dear Mrs Gottaroute,
I have just this minute read through your application in greater detail and study.
The accompanying photograph you enclosed this time, I didn’t know one could bend ones body in such ways, has intrigued me and I am inviting you to an interview on the 15th of the month.
Please attend punctually at 2pm.
Looking forward to meeting with you.
Sir Alfred Prick Esq
Dear Sir Alf Prigg,
I’m glad you saw my potential in my photograph. Most men do.
I will be happy to attend the interview on the 15th at2pm and look forward to meeting with you.
Dear Ms Imaroute,
I enjoyed our meeting yesterday.
You are everything and more in the flesh than your photograph betrays.
I think you will be more than satisfactory as my part time weekend lover.
Would you be able to begin duties on the 1st March? I am having a few friends for dinner and as usual I like to be well relaxed before I entertain. I think your skills, which we discussed, and which you demonstrated more than adequately, will be just what I need to face the social functions such as the one on the first.
I look forward to you setting down your roots in my home.
Yours in anticipation
Alfred Prick Esq
Dear Alfy Boy
I’ll be there by the 1st with bells on.
You liked that bell and whistle routine I could tell. Plenty more where that came from.
I look forward to renewing our acquaintance.
You have much potential, I am sure you will overcome your shyness and branch out into a full time weekend lover.
Your newly sated companion