This week’s fabulous words to play with: Hearse Etiolate (to cause to become weakened or sickly; drain of color or vigor.) Vague Murmur Obsequious (characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference;fawning) Nightshade Narcissist Zenith Lost Table Areola (a ring of color, as around the human nipple. A small interstice, as between the fibers of connective tissue.) Wide
As the hearse neared the corner of my street I couldn’t help but notice the very unusual flower bouquet adorning the coffin as the cortege rolled its way toward the crematorium.
Where one had become used to the symbols of grief over the years and living as I did on the same street as the crematorium I had seen quite a few funeral processions over the years but the sight of:
Narcissist –Burn in Hell
written into the flower arrangement did tell me something about the body inside the plain cardboard coffin.
The body had belonged to Darcy Areola known as Nipple to his family and friends.
Nipple has always been a standover guy, he took kids lunch money when he was at school and had moved on from there. He had married several times and worn down the women he married over the years to the point several had disappeared over night allegedly on interstate trips.
Most people had given him a wide berth in life and it was during the economic slump that he had reached the zenith of his power. He had corned the market in town on pop up toasters at a time everyone wanted one as who didn’t want the latest and best in appliances.
It was around the table at Crazy Harry’s Deadly Nightshade Emporium that the plot was hatched to do away with Nipple.
Harry had developed a potion called Nearly Deadly Nightshade, which had the effect of etiolating the skin to the point where it began to feed in on itself. It was a nasty potion on any good day.
On the appointed day Nipple was to attend the hairdresser, you know the one next to the newsagent. He liked to have his hair cut while he lost himself in the numerous two-bit girlie magazines the hairdresser kept for customers such as Nipple.
The hairdresser was a vague obsequious sort of guy, the sort of guy murmurs of underhandedness circulated about.
Anyway one thing led to another, a cut here and a shave there and before Nipple knew it the hairdresser had rubbed the Nearly Deadly Nightshade into his scalp. The effect was immediate, Nipples normally erect head, began to shrink, then his shoulder and finally all that was left was a pair of size nine shoes on the floor where once were his feet.
It was a case of leave no witnesses, though the hairdresser did extract his fee from Nipple’s pocket before calling for help.
So today I watched the hearse disappear into the crematorium followed by only one car in which sat his surviving wife, a look at smugness on her lips as I am sure she was hoping the furnaces would be stoked up extra hot to deal with her deceased husband even if it was just his suit and shoes that were going to cremated.