Tale Weaver #42: The mis(…) Man the Mans Man

This week’s task: Plot devices such as mistaken identities, misheard conversations, misdirected messages, misconstrued events, miscalculated plans have driven stories for the eons. Mis[…]s are the stuff of legend, mystery, comedy, spy versus spy, thrillers, romance, science fiction, lore, literature, life.

Your [mis]son this week: to weave a tale using mis[…] as key to plot; character(s); genre; title;

 

In a darkened alley off the High Street lay the body of Man the Mans Man.

He had met an untimely death, which was ironic in that Mans Man was responsible for so many untimely deaths of his own. Karma was one pundit put it down to.

It appeared that Mans Man had stopped a bullet. Unfortunately for him it was his heart that did the stopping and the one thing about anyone’s heart was that it was pretty poor at catching anything, safely.

Immediately the rumour mongers in the town set out to do what they always did, spread rumour, the more outlandish the better, their motto of never let the truth stand in the way of a good healthy piece of rumour held them in good stead as far as Mans Man went.

Not many people knew Mans Man. He was to a degree he a mysterious figure…..some said he was tall some short…..some said he was once a priest others said he had attended assassin school from an early age and never looked back.

Either way it was common knowledge that you didn’t mess with him…the trail of bodies that lay in his wake was a tell tail sign that Mans Man was a man of business and he made deals only he benefitted from.

But today his body lay where he had been felled.

Surrounded by the curious, lamented by those few who knew him and his love of classical cello music, his detractors celebrating in quiet corners of shadowy bars less the news turn out to be wrong and their own coming sunrise could be called into question.

The police were glad to see the back of Mans Man. Especially the current view which pleased then no end, several bullet holes and a meat cleaver decorated his back but it was the samurai sword inserted into his rectum that was the most painful thought to all.

He must have been hated thought one policeman.

Had it coming thought another.

It was a matter of time thought a third.

Wish I’d done it thought Mayvis O’Brien the street girl.

Soon the police had the scene cordoned off and the curious and rubber neckers pushed back.

Officer Dimwit O’Hallinan who once tried to arrest Mans Man thought he looked far more relaxed in death than he ever did in real life.

He was an anxious man thought O’Hallinan, ever ready to pull out his gun and start shooting with the least bit of provocation. I wonder who he antagonised this time he thought then his mind went to most of the town inhabitants who probably had it in for Mans Man anyway along with every policeman as well.

Mayvis approached the Dimwit and revealed that she saw it all happen. Said Mans Man was bailed up in the alley by three men in balaclavas but she’d be able to recognise them if she saw them again.

She said they beat Mans Man badly, as he lay on the ground they shot him, placed the meat cleaver between his shoulder blades and as a parting gesture inserted the sword where you hoped no one ever would.

The cops knew it had to be the Thomas Trio, the three meanest and most despicable men in town, they had made Mans Man almost look like a gentleman.

But Carson The Meathook from the butchers said he saw it different, four guys in dinner jackets and false moustaches had rushed Mans Man as he came home from Sunday night Mass pushed him into the alley and done this terrible deed to him.

Another account came from Elise The Slipper Cronin who said Mans Man was arguing with six people in the alley when a group of Japanese assassins jumped out from behind the dust bins and despatched Mans Man to the next world.

There were as it turned out twelve different versions of the story of the end of Mans Man, and either way it mattered little to anyone as all that mattered was that mans Man was dead. But there was a lot of toing and froing within the newspaper circle as each story was printed. It made for fascinating reading. It made a legend out of a scumbag. By the time it was all over people were calling for Mans Man to be awarded a knighthood posthumously…

In the end it was the hard work of Emily-I’ve a nose for news–Smith who unearthed the truth behind the whole debacle. Seems her paper the Horegan Weekly was given a tip off which resulted in the arrest of several key players in the underworld leather black market who all had it in for Mans Man as Mans Man had been getting too big for his boots, size 11 and was wanting to trade up to a size 13, and everyone knew two sizes was pure unadulterated pretention.

 

Written for: https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/12/03/tale-weaver-42-the-mis-s/

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7 Responses to Tale Weaver #42: The mis(…) Man the Mans Man

  1. gosh, Michael, a lot of mis there on the Mans Man death – funny names, too!

  2. Perfect! A smiler all the way through.
    You are a wordsmith and a talesmith! Talented family!
    Thanks for participating — know you’re busy and such.
    I’ll see if I can get your ping back to ping.

  3. clothespeggedpat says:

    Roflmao … Another absolute jewel here Michael! had me, once again, snorting in my seat XD

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