This weeks words to play with are: Pivotal Mermaid Bedlam Blast Conveyor Chromium Plethora Cinnamon Vortex Kitchen Reception,Vaseline
Many people have thought that producing children at my place was a sort of conveyor belt of an activity, but let me assure you it was all hard work. Rumours that they just turned up every nine months or so are greatly exaggerated.
Having been raised Catholic we were bought up to believe that every sperm was sacred and should be afforded such status in our lives.
So children appeared until the point came where I decided enough was enough, I had made my point as to the virility of my sperm and it was time for me to do other things than increase the worlds population and continue the destruction of any dreams of having a bank account that was not an embarrassment.
The pivotal moment came with the news that my youngest son was on the way. You didn’t need to be Einstein to figure out how all this was happening so there was born the idea that the chop was my way out of the bedlam I was currently living in.
I couldn’t do anything about the past but I could influence the future. So I did despite the blast from my wife that I depriving her of her right to have babies, which at the time with a child on each hip and the older ones invading our hip pockets was a spurious argument.
Life in our kitchen could best be described as never a dull moment. Cooking for eight has its challenges, the plethora of foods and varieties was mind boggling on a daily basis.
My favourite meal, which fed a small battalion, was what I called ‘Stage Food’. A mince dish, in which a swag of cooked vegies swathed in some sort of sauce made from tomatoes and barbeque sauce and Worchester sauce and sometimes served with boiled potatoes or if I was feeling adventurous rice! It was also important to include cinnamon in every dish as I had been told it had great benefits for their health and the fact they grew up on every meal tasting like cinnamon never fazed them, or at least they knew no different. Though I have had to answer a lot of questions since they left home.
But as I point out to each question, they are very healthy people.
This dish always arrived on their plates with the same negative reception. Oh no not stage food again they would say not realising the high nutritional value contained in every spoonful they consumed, or rather as so often happened, choked down their throats.
The meal originated the night the kids were involved in their first dance concert. They were very excited about the concert, and why wouldn’t they be when their mermaid costumes were all stunning, made with love and care by their mother who would sit up each night sewing on the necessary sequins to each child’s costume.
The net effect of all this sewing and sequinning was it left her a nasty mess spiralling her into a vortex of incomprehensibility into which she would be found on the bathroom floor, smearing her face with Vaseline muttering 24 over and over.
Thankfully with a right and proper dose of selected electric shock treatment she would snap out of it. All memory of the mermaid costumes expunged from her memory and each child forbidden to ever mention such things ever again.
As I said at the start it was hard work having children, each learnt to take their turn, each grew to be a chemical engineer specialising in the uses of chromium, which I blame their mother for in some perverted and twisted way factitiously connected to the mermaid costumes of so long ago.