It is time to withdraw
To a place inside of me
Where I cannot be seen
I can be safe and alone
To contemplate
Where I am?
Who I am?
What I am?
I need to, as my demons lurk
Doubt sits on my shoulder
Smirking, forever smirking
Suggesting its all a waste
Why bother?
Loathing stands not far behind
Grinning fiendishly
Waiting its time to take over
Ever ready to attack my fragile shell
Fragment and destroy my self.
I do not need to feel the pressure of words.
Your words in particular
Whose beauty I marvel at
But whose understanding
Is beyond me.
The desire to give,
To respond leaves me empty
Bereft of thought.
I read, I marvel, I cannot connect
For we all use the same words
We all shape our own meaning
But I come from a different world.
When I write
I crave and dread your response,
Your reply,
For I doubt my ability
But always you sing my praise
You encourage
You teach
The world, love, humour,
Contemplation, humility, me!
I am lost in my own wilderness
Stumbling blindly
Unable to connect.
You are there I see you there
But you choose to ignore
You never see my pain
It never occurs to you
That I am a person like you
Who hurts, who cries, who needs love.
I want solitude
To question my motives
Is it self-pity?
Is it real?
Am I a representation
Of the crying clown?
Devoid of emotion
Apart from my words
Which are all I have.
All I can use to reach out
Into an austere world
Where words and not actions
Are always so plentiful.
Morpethroad 
Your poetic prowess amazes me. No, amazes is not the right word, for that signifies surprise or possibly even disbelief. It’s more “awe” than amazement. I love certain types of poetry – what I call “real poetry” where in some cases the soul is laid bare. I don’t really like poetry that is so “highbrow” that you have to be one of the so-called intelligentsia to understand it.
Your comment Lyn has blown me away. I never anticipated such a response. You certainly wont ever be able to call my poetry ‘highbrow’ as I write in a language I understand. I would never say my work is ‘awesome’ I could point you to other blogger I could say that about. This poem is about my reassessing my place in the world, in my world as my old world is no more. It is something I know is happening and that I must deal with. Thank you so much for your comment, I greatly appreciate you reading my work. i am very humbled by what you have said.
So much self analysis and self condemnation in this my friend. Fears to those outside of you who cause you self doubt. As I reader, I have to wonder how much is fiction in this, powerful yet sad.
Thank you Jenny, some of it maybe rings true.
Wow, that is stunning!! 🙂 🙂
Thanks you so much Helen, happy you found it so?
This is painful but so beautiful.
Thanks Anja, I am having a trying time you might say, but I will be ok.
Poetry like yours that bares the soul is lively.
That was a typo. I meant to write “lovely” So sorry.
Thank you so much Patricia, I appreciate you taking the time to write that comment.
Wow Michael, this was beautiful in a sad way. You put so much emotion behind your words. Your words certainly speak from your heart. It shows.
Thanks Jackie I think I have said thanks and explained this poem to you. Thanks again.
You did? Ah, I have not read my emails yet today. I shall go there now. Thank you Michael.
This is very painful…beautfully written but painful to feel and read.
Thanks Oliana, it is an attempt to think through where I am at the moment. Not an easy time just now.
I am sorry to hear this, Michael. Sending you warm hugs. You can email me anytime too if you like. Oliana
Thank you Oliana I may do that later. Thank you.
Good.
Beautiful poem and image.
Thank you so much O.lovely to see you.
Such pain and saddness in this poem that speaks of self doubt of the void of understanding from the loved one…it’s heart-aching to read though brilliantly expressed.
Thank you Georgia, that’s a wonderful comment I thank you for reading.
uhm…don’t know what to say…you’re very welcome of course.
Who would have thought I could have left you speechless…..lol
Ah…it has been known to happen…not often mind, that Bastet is left without words (smiles)
Beautiful poem, philosophically hits… I loved how you expressed. Thank you dear Michael, love, nia
Thank you Nia I am happy you liked this poem. Thank you for reading. Take care.
Beautifully sad.
I guess the part that I don’t like is that it seems to come from the heart – which translates to me that this could be how you are feeling now.
{Hugs}
Thanks RoSy, it is something I am dealing with and I know there will be harder days than others. But writing about it is my way of dealing with it. So there may more of these in coming times. Thanks for the (hugs) I shall send them back at you.
Have you had a chance to consider my request in email?
Oh – An email…Lemme’ go check it out!
I know that dark place this poem came from I’ve been there. Hope you are doing well.
Thanks Kim, I am ok, working through things I know I have to do.
Okay my friend.
its funny…i could have written this, in many ways…
i was talking to rambly the other night about as much
having a smaller place with just close friends
instead of the masses…i have spent the last months
reassessing my place in the grand scheme of things
or trying to figure it out—i will say this much, be wary
of the whispers, they are not all true and will lead us
to self doubt and worse—being told we are good
is hard to accept when we dont believe it ourselves
i don’t think it is as much how ‘well’ we write or can spin big
words as much as it is our ability to connect with the reader,
and you did that in this…we are not much different
in that…
Thanks Brian, is a stage of live I am not all that happy about but another phase of my life. Thanks for your reassuring words, you are so right it is about how we connect. For whatever reason this poem has received far more favourable comment than I ever expected. Thanks again, I suppose you are back at work, I am finding not going to work is ok, it’s getting my to like it that is taking some adjusting to. Have a good evening.
This sounds all to real.
Thanks it is in many ways.
This was deep and lovely
Thank you Padmini, I appreciate you reading my posts.