Stumped/Friday Fiction

 

fleeting-copyright-indira-mukherjee

I love India.

You do?

Yes, all things Indian.

Oh?

Cricket, I love cricket and curry.

Ever been there?

Once.

Once?

Got lost.

Lost?

Marie’s fault.

How so?

She was running late.

And?

The bus.

What happened?

Missed it.

Oh.

Just a blur.

A blur?

Yes. We stood there like a pair of stunned mullets looking at the back end of our future.

So you got to stay longer?

No. I was frantic.

Frantic?

Frantic, to say the least.

Why?

My cricket gear. We’d booked it on the day before.

Oh.

My career, stumped there and then.

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56 Responses to Stumped/Friday Fiction

  1. Dear Summerstory,

    Fast paced dialogue. Made me wonder, though, if the MC couldn’t have replaced his/her cricket gear. 😉

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. summerstommy says:

    No Rochelle, every cricketer worth his salt will only use his own protector, bat, pads, gloves. Superstitious folk cricketers!

  3. Love the story. The short lines mean you fit a ton of story into a few words. That would be heartbreaking, looking for that one special set of gear in a country of a billion people.

    • summerstommy says:

      Oh yes,a great challenge when they are all so mad keen about the game. Thanks for the comment David

  4. Gabriella says:

    Great dialogue! Apparently the memory still hurts.

  5. Sandra says:

    Very effective presentation.

  6. lepirategunn says:

    True wit and good dialogue there!

  7. misskzebra says:

    Great dialogue and interesting story.

  8. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    Oh, that’s wonderful. The back forth of the dialogue made for a fast-paced tale that mirrored the frenzy of missing the bus. And the use of the word STUMPED was brilliant, though I wouldn’t be surprised if you find it’s lost on those unfamiliar with cricket.

    • summerstommy says:

      Thank you Helena for your generous comment. I did think of all the non cricket readers whom I might confront by using “stumped” in that way but because I love a good cricket story, I thought, the challenge of spinning a good yarn overrode that!

  9. great dialogue – great story. Randy

  10. The tragic loss and untold side of the story that never was
    nicely penned

  11. rheath40 says:

    Loved the cadence of the words. And the story of course.

  12. Linda Vernon says:

    It’s amazing how life seems to always boil down to one detail like that that changes everything. There are so many stories in the “if I would have” or the “if I wouldn’t have”. Very thoughtful story.

  13. Shreyank says:

    Cricket is like a religion in India.. Nice fast paced dialogue

    • summerstommy says:

      Thank you for your comment. India seemed a good location for the story……and cricket well else do they do?

  14. Stumped? Cricket? Haha!! Good one, although not for them. You bowled out that one.

    janet

  15. summerstommy says:

    Yes but long ago. From memory good show.

    • summerstommy says:

      Yes it is the movie about the match going down to the last ball and the batsman is caught on the boundary and see his foot over the line. Yes I loved that show. Also the poms had it stuck to them.

  16. TheImaginator says:

    Looked like we had the same idea regarding the form of the story; liked your pun at the end!

    • summerstommy says:

      Thanks for your comment. Cricket is a game with a lot of words that are so easily used to pun with.

  17. So this guy missed the bus in more ways than one! lol

  18. Carrie says:

    you painted the scene just with dialogue. Great job

  19. Penny L Howe says:

    Hello again. 🙂 What great dialogue, Funny, fast and fun, You do love playing with words, don’t you? And you do it very well too! 🙂

  20. Shainbird says:

    Love the dialogue!

  21. Joe Owens says:

    I have always been curious to learn how cricket works. Superstitious like baseball players.

    • summerstommy says:

      Well yes at least the ones in this story. Thanks for the comment. Cricket like baseball can be a life long passion.

  22. zookyworld says:

    Really like the format here, and what a bummer to miss the bus with the gear! The line about them watching the bus like mullets is fantastic.

  23. Brian Benoit says:

    Ha, nice back and forth-the speed of that gave the story a great overall feel

  24. troy P. says:

    The mullets line was possibly the best bit I’ve read all week – and I loved the ping-pong dialogue as well – nice!

  25. Howzat!
    A great catch!
    Enough rubbish, excellent tale, loved it.

    • summerstommy says:

      Thanks so much for your comment, fellow knowledgeable cricket person.
      I think I bowled a few people over with this one.

  26. Love the short dialogue – like you have to draw it out of him

  27. “We stood there like a pair of stunned mullets looking at the back end of our future.”
    Fantastic line.
    And any poetic dialogue that includes curry is okay in my book.
    I love curry.

  28. No clue what Cricket is, but enjoyed the poetry.

    • summerstommy says:

      Thank you Shirley for your comment. Obviously you are an American, but think how much fuller your life would be with a passion for the worlds greatest game!!

  29. kz says:

    a clever piece. i liked the fast-paced dialogue, it’s really effective 🙂

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