I had been a rut for far too long, and I knew it was time for a change.
But change I knew came with difficulties. Old habits are hard to break. I liked my habits, they were comfortable, predictable, and I knew where I stood with them.
But I also knew I was going nowhere. It was the same shit/different day. I was beginning to despise myself.
The first thing I decided to change was my shopping habit. I always shopped in the afternoon; I was comfortable there with the hordes of others all pursuing the same bargains as me, standing in line at the checkout, often wondering why the person in front of me was buying six packs of toilet deodoriser and one small pack of toilet paper.
I realised one day I had become judgemental of people based on what they bought, how they dressed and how they spoke.
So yesterday I was up early and off to the supermarket where there was me and two other people. The shop was practically deserted, and it felt odd. But at the same time energising knowing I had the shop pretty much to myself.
The other thing I noticed was the checkout girl was much more relaxed, not stressed like the afternoon girls so often were. This was a beginning I was going to enjoy.
Next, I started playing with different routes, to work, to play to my friend Hilda’s.
Hilda and I had been going out for the past ten years. It too was predictable; we knew where we stood, we did the same thing each week, visited on Thursday, shopped on Saturday, had dinner on Friday and breakfast Sunday morning. We went to the same restaurants, ordered the same food; to those around us, we were boring a couple if not predictable.
Changing Hilda, establishing some new beginning, was going to be a challenge as Hilda was more stuck in her ways than me.
One Saturday morning, I drove us to the beach instead of the supermarket. It freaked her out a bit. She was a creature of routine, she didn’t like change, and she especially didn’t like change being foisted upon her. But it was a beautiful day, the water warm, the air clear; it wasn’t long before she began to enjoy being there. We decided this was a good way to begin each Saturday and so began visiting there, hail rain or shine.
I did change a few things over time. It was a slow process, and I know I fought tooth and nail against many, but I began to see the benefits.
Change is a good thing, beginning something new can be exciting and thrilling in so many ways. I’ve become so very aware falling back into old habits and even more aware of starting new ones where I find myself basking in my own sense of comfort.