The strangest thing happened as I went into the supermarket.
Past me ran a man in mask pursued by a woman in a flowing gold sequined cape brandishing a pack of frozen peas and screaming: “You just wait till I catch you, I’ll give something to think about.”
They disappeared around the frozen food section but I was on a mission to get my weekly shopping done and was not going to be distracted by such obvious illusions.
As I approached the tin food section a man jumped out of a large tin of baked beans and said: “Psst!, Pssts! Wanna buy a magic bean?”
I politely said no and he sank back down into the can muttering: “You’ll be sorry.”
I told myself to stay focused as the shopping centre was famous for the gimmicks it employed to sell and make you buy what you might not normally purchase.
In the cleaning section I was sure a broom spoke to me, followed by a convincing mop detailing the virtues of having one such mop in your kitchen. “I’ll clean your floors two and half times faster than ever before,” it claimed, as it swished its self in front of me.”
Again, I ignored it as I had my eyes set on the liquid drain cleaner.
Finally, with my list checked off and no more interruptions I made my way to the checkout by way of the chocolate section. Here I was confronted by a woman wearing nothing more than a smile and a bar of chocolate. “Hey sweetie, you could do with some sweetening up, don’t you think? I’ve got just the chocolate to turn your day and night around. Calms your day, fires up your night. It’s the latest thing to give you the lift your heart desires.”
She thrust herself forward and into my hand a bar of the chocolate, “Just try it sweetheart, you’ll be craving more and more.” No, I thought I had enough to deal with in life and extra up and go at night might not be all I desire. Or would it, I thought for a second and then dismissed the idea.
The checkout girl was attractive and pleasant, tallied up my order and took my money, flicking her tongue in a very seductive way, as she handed back my change and which I found quite unnerving after being in the chocolate aisle.
I was thinking I needed to be away from this place and promising myself I’d go to another supermarket next week.
Just then as I was pushing my cart out of the door the masked man re-appeared running harder than before. The girl in the gold sequined cape was not far behind and launched a Number three chicken at him narrowly missing him and me.
I hurried to my car, packed in my purchased and made a quick exit. As I turned onto the highway a voice behind me sent shivers down my back.
The Baked Bean man was in the back seat: “Keep driving,” he said: “I think we can give them the slip.”