Wayne and Greg were sitting Kell’s Kitchen as was their want on a Thursday afternoon.
Wayne was munching on a ham sandwich Greg had bought for him, and Greg was sucking all the goodness he could from the delicious sushi Wayne had ordered for him. Everyone knew that Hell’s Kitchen served the nest sushi in eternity and the upstairs domain Greg came from was where the most mouth-watering ham sandwiches could be acquired.
Wayne and Greg were soul gatherers, Wayne from downstairs and Greg from upstairs. It was they who made the determinations as to whether or not a soul went up or down.
It had been a quiet day, and both were enjoying their respective meals when the soul alarm went off.
“Bugger,” said Wayne.
“Drats,” said Greg.
“Just as I was beginning to enjoy this sandwich,” grumbled Wayne.
“You can guarantee it,” replied Greg wiping sushi off his chin.
“It’s a suicide,” announced Wayne. ”Best be off then. Hopefully, the poor sod won’t take up too much of our time.”
The soul in question once belonged to one Jim Susend, a forty-six-year-old.
By the time Wayne and Greg arrived, the soul was standing around looking very bewildered, as if it hadn’t intended meeting anyone in the next life.
“So, Jim, what’s brought you here then?” asked Wayne whose attitude to suicides was to get straight to the point.
“Well I was unhappy, no one gave me any thought, and I thought I might attract some sympathy. I didn’t realise it would all turn out so fatal.”
Jim was forlorn, to say the least, and his soul looked down at the ground obviously embarrassed he now found himself in this predicament.
“I guess it means the fires of hell for me, doesn’t it. That’s what I was taught in Sunday School. Any chance of divine mercy and all that?”
“Doesn’t work like that,” replied Greg, “You’ve upset the balance of things by taking your life into your own hands. You’re supposed to hang in there for the duration, whatever that might be.”
“The bosses don’t like it even though they do recognise there are times when life can get way too much. He did create psychologists for that purpose, but in these modern times there seems to be far more needing help than can give it,” added Wayne.
“The best thing is to get used to waiting around,” said Greg with an air of sympathy.
“When you think about it there’s not a lot else you can do is there? After all, there’s all eternity ahead of you,” said Wayne trying to sound slightly sympathetic.
“But what am I waiting around for?” asked Jim’s soul.
“Determination. A decision. One way or the other, ”said Greg, very matter of fact.
“Don’t worry, you’ve all eternity to find out, and it’s not as if there’s anything or anywhere to go now is there?” explained Wayne.
“So where do I wait?” asked Jim’s soul.
“Here’s as good as anywhere, so long as you don’t wander, you should be fine,” said Greg.
“Wander?” questioned Jim’s soul.
“Yes, not a good idea, no telling what you might step in,” added Wayne.
With that, the two divine entities took their leave, glad to be rid of Jim’s soul as it was starting to irritate them and as one knows one should never irritate a divine entity.