There was little point he told himself in pretending otherwise.
He was, who he was, and all the denial in the world was never going to change that.
Accepting himself was his biggest life task. He wanted to be someone, then again who doesn’t? Wanted to stand out, play test cricket, write the ultimate novel, be a leader of men and women, love and grow through the experiences he came face to face with.
It was easy to dream, his whole life in many ways was lived in a fantasy world, where he imagined he was one thing or another. He became a life actor turning his hand to whatever circumstance he felt were needed to advance himself, he learned to play the game, he went places, and he did get noticed.
But all the while he craved to find out who he really was. Success was fleeting, he found out quickly, but the rush of it pushed him to find new heights where he would once again be someone.
In older age he laughed at himself, he saw the fool who sold his soul for fame and fortune, who lost himself in a material world of temporary friendships and who at the end of the day went home alone.
As he aged and he saw his body begin to deteriorate he took stock of himself, he wanted to understand what it was that life was thrusting upon him.
No longer able to do what he did in his youth he looked for other things in which to find motivation.
With his physical world waning, he looked inward to see what lay there. Hiding in the shadows was his real self.
It sat there watching him find his way. His self understood the struggle he was making, his real self had been banished so many years prior and now still in its original condition, though maybe a tad bruised, it was still there and welcomed his return.
The saying, “No matter where I turn I meet myself” was so true.
So his journey to discover himself, to face the reality of a life not always lived for the right reasons began. Painful, tortuous but revealing, he retreated into himself, found meditation and stillness, embraced the man he had become and found contentedness within himself.
It is an on-going journey, he grows daily, and he reaches out and touches the souls of so many who in turn touch his patchwork soul.