Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 39

my-shadows

It was like a hand from the grave would reach out and grab me, and it took all my will power to free myself once again.

This was how it felt during the first weeks of separation from my marriage.

Every trick in the book was used to lure me back into a marriage that had long failed.

There were two sets of forces, my ex and my younger children. The younger children were at an age where they wanted a family like everyone else’s. My younger daughter made that plain to me at the time.

My older children knew the situation well, they had watched me suffer psychological and physical torment and knew I had to get out of that environment.

For my ex it was the shame of publicly acknowledging the failure of the marriage. She wanted respectability; she wanted our community to know it was my entire fault as a husband and a provider.

So she did all she could discredit me in every way and all the while manipulating every situation to her benefit.

Just when I’d think one hurdle had been surmounted another would rise in front of me.

She refused the notion of divorce but a year or so later fought tooth and nail to have our marriage annulled.

Many years have passed since those tumultuous days, but every so often her hand appears to create havoc, more for my children than me.

I have ‘charted my own path’ my life is my own and no matter what, having children together will never allow us to disappear from each other’s life. It’s about learning to cope, be polite, and not show a heart that wishes she treated our children with love, respect and acceptance.

 

Written for: https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2018/05/31/reenas-exploration-challenge-week-39/

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14 Responses to Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 39

  1. rogershipp says:

    Rough, raw, and real. I have seen the damage a fractured-life can have on families when there is one that is fighting only for a win. Blessings.

  2. Reena Saxena says:

    This reminded me of the most intense pain in the world – that of a recently amputated limb which does not exist any more. It is termed a ghost pain.

    There is an exercise which might help. Imagine a TV set at the other end of the room, with a glass partition in between. Watch a memory that hurts as a scene there. Start reducing the size, colors, sound, intensity with an imaginary remote till it becomes a black dot. Imagine heavy rains fallibg on the TV, covering it with slush. Watch weeds grow on that. Throw away your imaginary remote, turn and walk away with decisive steps, not to look back.

    Repeat at time intervals as per your need.

  3. Reena Saxena says:

    This reminded me of the most intense pain in the world – that of a recently amputated limb which does not exist any more. It is termed a ghost pain.

    There is an exercise which might help. Imagine a TV set at the other end of the room, with a glass partition in between. Watch a memory that hurts as a scene there. Start reducing the size, colors, sound, intensity with an imaginary remote till it becomes a black dot. Imagine heavy rains fallibg on the TV, covering it with slush. Watch weeds grow on that. Throw away your imaginary remote, turn and walk away with decisive steps, not to look back.

    Repeat at time intervals as per your need.

  4. Indira says:

    Beautifully written. Nice take.

  5. -Eugenia says:

    Wow, your story is compelling, raw and sad. It’s unfortunate she continues to disrupt your life

  6. Pingback: Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 40 – Reena Saxena

  7. Pingback: Reena’s Exploration Challenge – Week 38 6-14-2018 – A Writer's Life

  8. athling2001 says:

    A hard lesson, but one well worth learning. Sometimes survival is the best bet, at least in the immediate future. Later, one can blossom.

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