They say that for every door that closes another opens.
But what if that doesn’t happen?
What if more doors close than open?
I think that must be what depression is. The sensation of being locked inside, the door closed and the key has gone missing.
The result is you sit, and sit, and sit looking at the door thinking someone will come by and open it for you.
When that doesn’t happen you continue to look at the door believing you are not worthy of having the door opened, and you begin to accept your lot in life, you are locked in, no way out, this is where you belong.
After a while, you begin to think the door is a clear glass one and everyone passing can see in, and you are sure they are thinking: “What a poor miserable bastard that person is, so glad I’m not like him.”
So you slink further into the corner of the room believing you are now more invisible than before, curl up into your favourite foetal position and pretend you are safe. The trouble is you are safe from the outside world because the door is well and truly locked and no one is getting in, but you are not safe from yourself.
This, however, doesn’t occur to you as all you are focused on is hiding from the outside world.
The door to your inner self is as locked as you imagine the door to your room is.
So right now you appreciate that the key is lost, that way you can flagellate yourself a little longer until that is, you hear a key rattling in the door.
Written for: https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-24-18/
Morpethroad 
Very insightful post, Michael. Probably one of the most insightful I’ve read in a while.
Thanks Lyn it’s can happen with stream of conscious. I appreciate your comment thank you
I think you nailed depression, Michael. Think of having no more doors opening or at least the thought of no more. Yikes. Good job.
Thanks so much John
🙂
I try not to lock myself in. I have good weeks (er, months) and ones where I’m more of a hermit than I should be. It’s not really depression, but I’m an empathic introvert. People are wonderful, but their emotions exhaust me… Some more than others!
Yes it can be like that can’t it….being you is what is most important…
I think I wrote a companion piece to this, entirely accidentally. You might be interested to read it. I appreciate this, depression is a complex thing, and it’s so hard to get out of it. You describe it so viscerally.
Thanks Sarah I’ll go check out your piece.
Depression can also make you feel the walls closing in on you, gradually engulfing the doorway completely. Windows shatter, the glass cutting you to ribbons in your efforts to escape, they too gradually disappear until you are left tight in the corner, unable to see, unable to move, unable to breathe, no way out.
That’s what I was trying to portray the unrelenting closing in around you.
Exactly.
Depression is awful. I’ve a combo anxiety depression battle going on more sides to anxiety. Reading words of someone who gets it is helpful. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Jill glad you could relate
Sometimes, the darkness is so complete; engulfing, you can’t even hear the key rattling . . .
Yes I believe that to be true..
Sad to say that it is so.
Thank you for the intriguing and touching thoughts you shared.
Thank you for reading my post. much appreciated.