There have been times when you knew confrontation was going to be tricky, tough and downright scary.
It’s happened in both my working and home life.
I think I ‘stuff up’ a lot with no intention of doing so, and when confronted by authority of my wrongdoing I feel intimidated as now I am on the defensive and have to justify my actions.
It’s that thought of having to justify why you behaved in a certain way that causes us so much angst.
I know I have spent many a sleepless night worrying over a work place action that has required me to front the Principal the next day, when I did things which in hindsight reflected my lazy attitude to procedure.
But you can’t change what you have done, and so for me, it became a matter of let’s get this over and done with. Theirs is only so much berating of yourself you can do, and it’s never productive. So, for me, it was a matter of facing my ‘sins’. I’d eat humble pie if necessary and make promises to lift my game.
I found the longer I delayed action, the worse it got.
Though with angry partners it became a matter of delaying the inevitable. As for pain setting me free, I think that is a debateable point. I say this as there can be a lot of pain in freedom.
Written for: https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/reenas-exploration-challenge-week-8/
Intimidated and defensive…I know how that feels. I began to deal with confrontation from others better when I was in management and had to learn how to confront others. Confrontation is never easy but it can be done kindly and accepted with humility. All part of growing up and hopefully, wiser.
Yes I agree, not everyone unfortuantely can get past the growing up phase and therefore take everything personally.
I hate confrontation – always have. It’s funny though, because I can be “confrontational” if I’m protecting friends, children or small animals.
Reblogged this on Reena Saxena.
What is worse than this is imagining confrontation. If we have a dominating/accusing parent or boss, we imagine their attack even in their absence, and build up our argument of defense/counterattack. I used to have these dreams, and then, realized how much am I letting the resentment control my life. Ideally, if the person is not there, the emotion should not be there. But suppressed resentment surfaces, and an imagined victory provides a release.
Thank you so much, Michael, for the personal essay!
You are right about imagining confrontation as its often worse than the reality of it…and I know about resentment as well….a killer for any relationship…
I agree its the imagining of the confrontation that escalates our fear.
So true isn’t it and even understanding that when it happens is sometimes hard to get out of our heads so we can deal effectively with what it is we are confronting. Fear puts up a lot of barriers.
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Confrontation per se is not bad. It is the fear of one that we need to be free from. Excellent thoughts, Michael.
Thanks so much Neel.
The fear of confrontation can be overwhelming. Once we are past the confrontation, it sometimes is not as bad as we imagined.
Yes its the thinking about it that takes so much out of us…