FFfAW Challenge-Week of July 4, 2017 #2 – Snake in the Grass

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Photo prompt is provided by Kecia Spartin

She was a real snake in the grass.

Untidy, loud, crass, neglectful and purveyor of whoreish ways.

You’d see her leaning against the bank wall watching the customers come and go. Waiting always waiting knowing that sooner or later a mark would come her way.

She could sweet talk her way into and out of any situation.

She had no sense of body space. She wore strong perfume to overcome you should you venture too close.

Plus, she had the biggest most falsely innocent eyes on any woman I knew.

She was the epitome of give with one hand and take with the other.

Morality wasn’t a virtue known to her.

But one day her luck ran out, and there wasn’t much sympathy for her. She’d stung far too many, and now her chickens had home to roost.

She was a sorry sight in the park sitting under the gum trees often singing to herself. But always with those big eyes, searching, ever vigilant.

 

Written for: https://flashfictionforaspiringwriters.wordpress.com/2017/07/03/fffaw-challenge-week-of-july-4-2017-2/

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34 Responses to FFfAW Challenge-Week of July 4, 2017 #2 – Snake in the Grass

  1. Really vivid language.

  2. yarnspinnerr says:

    That is a nice metaphoric take.

  3. Moon says:

    A wonderful take on the prompt!

  4. I liked how you used the snake in the prompt to refer to a woman. Sounds like there is a lot of anger in you in this story! Great story!

  5. Iain Kelly says:

    A fable for the modern world. Nicely done.

  6. michael1148humphris says:

    You created a rather strong story here. They do say, that ones chickens come home to roost. But can we feel sorry for your character.

  7. James says:

    The metaphorical snake in the grass brought low by metaphorical chickens.

  8. I loved your take on this prompt – really clever use of the words! The twist at the end was pretty exciting, too. Excellent writing!

  9. Joy Pixley says:

    Detailed portrayal of someone using their powers in all the worst ways — and not profiting from it, in the end.

  10. Jael Sook says:

    Ooooh, Wow! Very vivid indeed.

  11. Really nice and a little sad.

  12. luckyjc007 says:

    Great story! Sooner or later, the “chickens do come home to roost!” 🙂

  13. Michael, what a fantastic job you did here. Great use of metaphor.

  14. A story well crafted with a great use of the metaphor. But in the end feel sorry for the women who maybe knows no other trade or possesses any skill to keep the wolves at bay.

    http://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/07/the-modern-eve.html

  15. This is very well written and complex. Nice job!
    The Lesson
    Annie at ~McGuffy’s Reader~

  16. mandibelle16 says:

    You’ve created quite a character wth this woman. Car on fire no one but herself, and the focus on her eyes, snake like as well, I liked the line: ” purveyor of whoreish ways” it made me laugh. I think we have many words for this job or, er, skill set?

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