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My life has been more soup than tea.
More minestrone than vegetable.
Now days it’s a shade tepid
Though it believes it still has what it takes.
Its part of the fantasy of life
Believing the impossible.
Expectation is bashed out of you when you are young
Promises made are rescinded,
Joked about for you believing.
So you stop asking
You stop looking forward
You learn to exist.
I was taught about disassociating
I think that’s what I’ve done.
I no longer have hope that people will connect.
To avoid the remote possibility
They cross the street, eyes focused ahead
For fear recognition will bring disaster upon them.
I don’t reach out for fear of rejection
So often assistance, support was denied
Dig more holes, scrub more floors I was told.
So I stopped asking.
My cup is only a quarter filled
A bit rancid you might say
From stagnation, from life?
When full it contained my life,
From birth to I expect, death.
I wonder if I should be brave and reach out once more?
I know she is worth it
She reaches out to me
Keeps the dregs from freezing.