Saturday Mix – April 22, 2017 – Shaken


Image: Photo: Glenn Hunt

This week’s task in 150 words: this week a page from a diary.

Dear Diary,

She said a short walk to the hotel from the train and I’d find her waiting in the foyer.

However, the hotel lobby was crowded, there’d been an alarm set off, all the guests were milling about. She wasn’t to be seen.

I waited and waited, nothing, no sight of her.

The crowds soon returned to their respective rooms, I asked at the desk for her room number. They had no record of her being there. I checked the hotel’s name in case I’d made a mistake.

I didn’t understand. She said this hotel. Why tell me otherwise?

Then she was there, by my side. She smiled, but her eyes said otherwise. They were vacant, glazed over, she took my hand it was cold, her breath was rancid, I stepped back and like mist she vanished, her breath staying in my mouth.

I am shaken to the core.


Written for:

This entry was posted in Uncategorized, Writing prompt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Saturday Mix – April 22, 2017 – Shaken

  1. Lorraine says:

    Gothic romance to be sure. Nice twist — almost stood up by a wraith!

  2. What a beautiful narration. Loved it 🙂

  3. charleenm says:

    Nice setup. I love how you set the scene.

  4. MC Clark says:

    Cold hands and rancid breath are a definite turn-off. Yuck!
    Nicely done, Michael.

  5. Lyn says:

    I’m left wondering if the “something” that set off the alarm at the hotel had anything to do with her condition…

  6. Bastet says:

    Yikes! Nicely done, loved the twist from a mundane situation into pure Gothic (and the many questions raised with that shift) – even if it left a bad taste in ones mouth! 😉

  7. Raivenne says:

    She knew it was wrong as she saw him standing there, brow furrowed in confusion, as he looked for her – though she stood right there next to him. She knew what this would do to him; she knew! “Oh, but for one last touch of his hand – just one, I must have this!” She cried, waiting until he turned his head to materialize beside him.

    My apologies, but that was my exact thought reading your wonderfully woven words.

    • Michael says:

      Well I am impressed and flattered and thank you for sharing those wonderful thoughts….I like what you have written, though it does create the impetus for another tale…you are the second person this past week who has taken my story and added their bit to it, hence I feel so very flattered….have a great day…

Please feel free to comment, I appreciate your thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s