WRITING CHALLENGE: See It, Write It – Jane’s New Shoes


No 3: The place where the nanny is crossing the street and the little girl almost gets run over – HOW would you set that up in a written story so we jump when we read it?*

No 3: The place where the nanny is crossing the street and the little girl almost gets run over – HOW would you set that up in a written story, so we jump when we read it?*

Nanny held Jane’s hand as they walked down the street. They were on a strict mission. Jane’s mother had instructed the Nanny to take Jane to Hobson’s Shoe store for a new pair of school shoes.

Jane being the headstrong girl she was had her opinions about fashion and that included school shoes. Her mother had been adamant that the shoes be the correct type, enclosed leather, so Jane would not be excluded from practical classes as she had the previous week.

Despite Jane’s argument that the shoes required were daggy and uncomfortable, Jane also argued that none of the other girls wore them and why should she.

Her mother hated one thing more than arguing with her daughter, and that was receiving phone calls and notes from the school saying Jane was not doing this or that or was not presenting homework nor applying herself to her studies.

The social embarrassment was more than she could tolerate and so it was that Nanny had been instructed to take Jane forthwith to Hobsons and return home with the prescribed footwear.

As they walked down the street Nanny kept thinking with each step that it was only three blocks to the shoe store and then three blocks back. She thought this as Jane went on with her incessant whinging about her overbearing mother who never listened to her and who didn’t care if she became a total social outcast as a result of buying the worst shoes imaginable.

They had to cross three streets on their way, and as it was close to midday, the streets were their usual busy selves. As they approached the corner of Main and Smith, the Nanny thought it wise to take Jane’s hand as the pedestrian traffic was heavy as people milled around waiting for the traffic signals to tell them to cross.

They were on the end of a long queue of people waiting to cross. Nanny was not paying much attention to the traffic or the people around her as she had walked these streets many times before and her mind was on automatic as she approached the crossing. All the while there was the constant complaining from Jane who, like her was paying no attention to what was happening around her.

The lights changed, and the crowd moved forward and spread itself across the pedestrian crossing. By the time, they had reached the kerb the lights had changed and were flashing red to wait but Nanny wanting to get her outing over and done with stepped out onto the road just as a car driving down the street arrived at the crossing. The old man driving had obviously not seen the red light and wasn’t paying close attention to the people crossing as he approached.

Suddenly in his peripheral vision, he saw a movement and slammed his foot onto his brake pedal. The car jerked to a stop, the lady and the child stopped and looked at him in horror. In a panic, he moved forward across the road and disappeared amidst a shower of car horns and expletives. The Nanny couldn’t help but notice the vehicle was being closely followed by another old man pressing on his car horn the entire time.

The nanny stepped back and took in a breath, then another. Jane was none the wiser she noted. Her mouth was still on about shoes and how wretched her life was going to be after today.

The Nanny stood at the crossing gripping the girl’s hand, praying she would shut up long enough for the day to be over and she would rid of the precocious child.


Written for: https://danalatorre.com/2017/03/24/writing-challenge-see-it-write-it/


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8 Responses to WRITING CHALLENGE: See It, Write It – Jane’s New Shoes

  1. ellenbest24 says:

    Made me gasp, nicely done.

  2. Pretty good!

    How long did it take you to write this?

    I really appreciate this. It has been bugging me for weeks. Weeks!

  3. suezway says:

    Fabulous! Very well written.


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