She had tried several times to take that one decisive step across the threshold. Once or twice now she had dipped her toe into the darkness beyond it and had thought it was good, there was a world of possibility there.
But always there appeared roadblocks to her progress.
She concluded it was hard to negotiate the past, to forgo the old default positions where she found herself falling in so readily. Not that they solved anything, it was more they felt familiar, safe and she liked to feel safe even when it worked to her detriment.
The problem as she saw it was the threshold was something she wanted to overcome because beyond it was what she wanted. On the other side was a world she’d never known a world of adventure, of love and affection and those were qualities she was determined to discover for herself.
It seemed that on every occasion she stepped towards the opening there arose a reason to step back.
Right now she was feeling feverishly unwell. She had lain on her bed all day in between rushing to the bathroom. She felt, as her best friend would say, like death warmed up.
She had to get well she decided, what good was she to herself let alone anyone else if she was unhealthy, unwell, unhappy.
So without ever losing sight of the door to the future she set about making herself well. She discarded everything that she felt contributed to her present situation, put on hold the factors that influenced her every day and set about doing for herself. That meant a whole new mindset for she was a person beset with guilt should she feel she ever put herself before others. But desperate times called for desperate measures and those measures would lead her to understand herself better and when the time came she would feel confident, not hesitant about stepping over the threshold and into a life she deep inside craved.