This week’s words: Elderberry Climate Atrabilious (gloomy; morose; melancholy; morbid.irritable; bad-tempered; splenetic.) .License Singe Dream Obstruct Cerise (moderate to deep red) Fugitive Hesitation Random Length
‘I have been a fugitive from love for so long. My atrabilious sense of self is what has restricted me from moving on all these years. Women flee from me, it’s a hopeless situation. Is it any wonder I am such a morose and melancholic man?’
The man looked at his doctor his eyes pleading for sympathy, understanding even credibility. The Doctor, his medical license hanging by a threat above his head, looked up from the note pad in front of him and smiled.
The man continued, thinking he was on a roll that was sure to win the doctor over to his cause. ‘Big words,’ his mother had told him. ‘Use as many big words as you can wrap your tongue around.’
The man made his final plea: ‘I’m atrabilic, I can’t get out of bed of a morning, my skin has turned this weird cerise colour when it used to be a more orange shade and in the present climate most people think of me as a joke when in fact I’m a very serious person. I mean I drink elderberry wine for goodness sake. I’m told it has qualities to make me a man among all men but my ego has been seriously singed and my dreams of greatness and of women fawning over me have not materialized.
I was told elderberry wine would increase the length of my main bit but it hasn’t. I find I hesitate to the point of hesitation when I engage with any random woman and I am told the size of my feet is an obstruction to my progress in life. Doctor what am I to do?’
The doctor had been pretending to listen and placed his coffee cup down on his desk wishing the climate control in his office wasn’t as random as it was. He took a deep breath and could feel the atrabiliousness within himself rising to the surface as he contemplated the poor suffering devil in front of him.
‘Your splenetic behavior,’ said the doctor. “Pisses me off no end. Is it any wonder women flee from you? I want to flee from you. I hesitate to say this but you are the most random person I have ever met. Your cerise colour is in part because you are a moron. Drink all the elderberry wine you can, it can’t possibly make you any worse and if I see you here again before next week I have a license to commit you to a place where dreams don’t exist.’
‘Thank you,’ Doctor said the man getting up and heading for the door. ‘I love the randomness of our sessions.’