I Wanna Go Home

(Character enters carrying an old teddy bear. She sits it on a seat. She looks at the audience. She appears to whisper into the bear’s ear. She then moves to sit beside the bear and look at the audience.)


It’s still there.

The beach and this stinking resort.

(She looks at the bear.)

Can’t we go home Mike.


Oh…….(SOFT) Sorry……(attention to Mike)

Mike and I had a little spat this morning, I put the sugar on his weetbix before the milk, he’s such a control freak!

I know I’ve said it every day since we have been here but it’s so boring.

Every time I say how bored I am you bring my mother into it.

I know it’s entertainment to you, my mother standing there with a wine glass in one hand, cigarette in the other, droning on in that pathetic accent she puts on.

‘Lily this is the one time of the year where we can be together without the interruptions of the phone and you father’s work.’

‘We need this time to bond. It has been a tough year Lily, your father and I work long, long hours. We deserve this holiday. So please no complaining!

She’s like a cracked record, my mother.

It’s always ‘Lily, this, Lily that.’

I tell her I hate it.

That I want to go home.

Then she starts,  ‘Yes Lily, it’s family time. Walk with your father and I along the beach. ’


I say can’t I stay home?

She says ‘No Lily, there is no one to look after you.

I say Mike will look after me.

When I mention Mike, she just looks at me, shakes her head and says,’ That old raggy doll Lily, why do you keep it, let me give it to the op shop, some poor child would love to have it.’

Mum I say, Mum, do you know what you are saying?


She doesn’t mean it, she doesn’t mean it!

Poor pet (to audience)

Mike is part of me.

He’s my best friend.

And yes best friends do have spats from time to time.


He’s as idiosyncratic as anyone. God bless him!

Mum sighs and makes some comment about the money she is wasting on counselors.

Anyway the compromise with mum is that I bring Mike.

It’s just me and Mike.

He is gentle and caring, and I love him to bits.

He has opinions on just about everything.

We have the fiercest arguments about politics.

He’s a staunch greens supporter

He goes on for hours about saving whales, protecting rain forests; he even wanted to chain himself to the Laman Street fig trees.

Sometimes I just shove him in the cupboard to shut him up.

More importantly he has an eye for a bargain.

Check this out, all Mike’s idea. (Shows off some fashion statement)

The knot is mine; you know I like to look trendy.

We have been coming to Aroona Park Beach Resort ever since I can remember.

Mum says it has memories.

I wouldn’t count misery as a memory.

You see the problem as I see it is that there is nothing here for me to do.

Entertainment is zero.

Mum says I should count my blessings.

She’ll say: ‘Lily there are blind children all over the world who will never see half of what you can.

Look at the beazutiful view.’

And I do look at it.  I’ve looked at it for fifteen years.

I usually start the I wanna go home about an hour after getting here.

Mum says ‘Lily!  You are an ungrateful girl.’

I’m not ungrateful I’m just over the Aroona Park Beach resort.

Down stairs is the children’s play space.

Now I don’t want to cast too many aspersions on the place, but really, can a room full of crappy old video games, a decrepit table tennis table and what was once but is now embarrassingly worn out old pool table really be considered a play space for 21st century kids.

Me and the other kids use it to hide from our parents. We often meet in there around midnight and smoke and chug cruisers.

We all agree that our parents are disgusting on holiday.  They wear clothes they wouldn’t be seen dead in and they are friendly to people they wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire.

Mum wants to go to Wet and Weird World today. That’s what I call it; lots of rides, water and weird people trying to have fun.

Mum makes me wear this one-piece swimsuit, it’s just gross.

I say Mum, I need something new?

She looks at me and says: ‘Next year when you’ve blossomed then we will look at getting you a new swimsuit.’

My mother is in  denial of me growing up.

I’m still a little girl to her.

It’s a good thing there are no boys in my life, apart from Mike that is.

Mike comments about my clothes from time to time but he is always polite about, you know, my bits and stuff.

Mike says I have to make the best of it.

He says if I’m miserable so is he, so I should change my attitude.

Ok, I’ll lift my game!

I know I’m a spoilt brat.

But I still wanna to go home.

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10 Responses to I Wanna Go Home

  1. Anja says:

    Ha, I truly enjoyed this!!! It also brought to mind a story I wrote when I was….maybe 15….in English class about a girl and her teddy bear. Well it was written from the bear’s perspective 🙂 Wonderful as always…..

  2. My mind went to TED the Movie, then it crossed to caravan parks (that fortunately we didn’t go to) or the same holiday places like Rosebud down here where millions swarm – year after year – same spot, same neighbours in the next tent(didn’t do this either). The staunch greenie supporter made me chuckle. A grand story of boredom from a youngens’ point of view (and I don’t blame her for wanting to go home..just quietly) 🙂

  3. ‘Wet and Weird’ – fabulous! I love how you got inside the head of a teenage girl. Been there, done that, never want to go back there again!

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