Losers Anonymous

Losers Anonymous

This address was given recently at the Losers Anonymous Morpeth Sub- Branch Weekly Meeting.

Good afternoon and thank you very much for the opportunity to speak to you this afternoon.

I would like to begin by saying, that…..that…..I am a loser.

Yes I have blown it.

Blown opportunities to connect, to form relationships, to engage with my fellow human beings.

So I stand before you today, a compulsive loser.

I know that standing here and admitting my decline and failure is the first step on my path to recovery and acceptance.

Acceptance primarily of myself and of you my fellow losers.

I am sure none of us planned to be here. None of us saw ourselves in this situation.

My journey to this point today has meant my acceptance of a fundamental flaw in my character. This realization has been a rude awakening and a sobering experience.

Coupled with this has been my discovery that I possess the 56737 gene, a genetic disposition to rubbing people the wrong way.

That I think goes someway towards explaining the person I am.

I am aware it is no excuse and that I must rise above this inherited affliction in order to be able to claim to be a productive member of society.

Modern science I know can now test for this gene and appropriate steps to remedy the situation can be arranged and despite my present situation I am thankful my mother never considered such ‘arrangements.’

My world came shattering down on me when a relationship that was  within my grasp came to an immediate halt when I broke the fundamental law of relationships I ….yes….I revealed too much of myself before the relationship ever had a chance to proceed.

I was online with the other millions of people going about my business of pretending to be someone else when one invite got me very interested.

I responded and found that I was an almost exact match for her ideal soul mate. From there in my natural way of responding to anyone who shows me interest, it quickly spiraled downward.

It wasn’t as though I did anything untoward, I didn’t try and race her off, I didn’t speak unkindly, I didn’t stalk her, no I did what I have been told so many times before I said revealed stuff about myself that spooked her into calling everything off.

I am sorry to admit, I sent her a photo, a real one, and I know I have been told a hundred times, don’t send your real photo, no one is going to be attracted to that, pick some generic American looking stud and post that, but no, here I was thinking this girl would go for the real me and crash, my world just imploded.

I am responsible for destroying her image of me.

I know vanity is a curse. I am guilty of being vain, of punching above my weight, to use a well known cliché.

Her response can best be described as a deafening silence.

The hours I spent sitting at my computer awaiting her reply have been to no avail.

Her non response was enough to evoke feelings of self pity, and a realisation that I was, from that moment on, ostracized from a world I thought I could find love in.

I know none of us want to consider our situations as a lifestyle.

It is not my intention to attend these meetings on a regular basis.

When I look around here I have to admit and no offense intended but none of you are, my sort of people.

I certainly don’t want you to think of me as a friend and none of us should look at each other a role model.

Each of us is here because we have stuffed up, blown opportunity and so we now seek solace among kindred spirits.

I know it has taken me some weeks to build the courage to speak today.

My devastated soul has been wallowing in the mire of its own existence.

I have been told that part of my recovery is to address the person responsible for my ugly decline.

I would like to say to you, Anita, that as thankful as I am that you are not here today, to see me standing before you, the shell of the man you once knew, I bear you no grudge or ill will towards you.

I am sure you are wrestling with your own issues, of which, I am sure, are many.

And so my fellow losers, I thank you for this chance to begin my journey back.

Back to a person I can be proud t look at in the mirror each morning.

I know the road will be rough, I know I will struggle but I am determined  and committed to succeed.

Yes I have blown it and yes I am a loser, yes I have lied and deceived and yes I am a flawed man.

But like everyone else in this world, I also crave love.

Thank you for your continued support and God bless.

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