Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 9 – Trust

week-9

I find the whole trust issue a difficult one to deal with. I say this as I have trust issues myself.

You could say that as a damaged person you are within your rights to feel trust is something you hunger for, but you are always wary of anyone who purports to be suggesting that is how they feel about you as your past tells you things can change in an instant.

I think trust comes simply by being yourself. The people around you will see you for who you say you are. It’s the consistency of character that makes or breaks you.

Having been married to a narcissist, and completely oblivious to the fact of that is what she was, I am a slow learner, I devoted far too much of my life to running around pleasing her and eventually learning she was not a person I could trust and that damaged me greatly. Your partner should be your trusted companion, not a person who betrays that perception of trust my throwing in your face things you have said in confidence to her. I learned not to say anything nor show my feelings to her.

Since then those days I have worked on me being me. I have a wonderful friend these days who has a simple mantra I have taken on as my own. “Take it or d.”

Take me as I am or decline. The choice is yours, I am me and happy being me.

To gain trust in the opposite gender, I don’t think it’s all about what you say but more how you behave towards them. When they speak with you, it’s best to listen. They often just want to talk to you not feel you are judging them by expressing an opinion, which often the last thing they want to hear.

Listening is not easy. We all have opinions about what we hear, but sometimes it’s important to allow whomever it is speaking to you to have their moment centre stage. Knowing we are being listened to and our opinion valued does so much to build trust in the person we want to be closest to.

As for the future, I don’t know. Society is evolving at such a rapid rate and technology is allowing relationships to develop without actually being in the same room, space or country as the person you are engaging with.

I think the same principle will always exist if you be yourself and consistently do so by openly offering support, and encouragement trust will develop and become an integral part of any relationship.

 

Written for: https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/reenas-exploration-challenge-week-9/

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14 Responses to Reena’s Exploration Challenge #Week 9 – Trust

  1. Patricia says:

    I think most of us have some degree of trust issues. How can we not? Those we are meant to trust inherently; family, spouses, close friends, teachers, leaders of business and in politics, doctors…are often the least trustworthy. It is hard to read the newspaper and not be disappointed with the way things are going. If there are one or two people in our lives we can trust without hesitation we are blessed.

  2. -Eugenia says:

    I can relate to this, Michael, because I’ve had experiences similar to what you describe. I learned to be more careful in putting my trust in others. Listening and not judging can be difficult to do and I try to be a good listener and not hastily form opinions.

    I have several online friends, and have known them for 3 or 4 years, especially in beBee.com, and LinkedIn. After a while, one can tell who’s sincere and who’s not.

    Well written post, Michael, and your sincerity shines.
    Cheers!

  3. Reena Saxena says:

    Reblogged this on Reena Saxena and commented:
    Very well expressed piece…

  4. Reena Saxena says:

    Consistency is what we read between the lines, and our response to the other person is based on that. This is a great, straight from the heart piece!

    Thanks for joining in!

  5. Loved this post Michael. Narcissists are not really capable of having empathy for the feelings of others, it’s always about them. I have had a good friend and also my own daughter in a relationship with a narcissist so I’ve seen the damage they do first hand. At least you have moved on now and your trust will come back. It takes great courage to move forward and speak openly. Good on you

  6. scribblersdip says:

    I think you really have “learned your lessons well” Michael – despite the great price and years of pain. Trust begins with oneself – and as you’ve noted, the ability to be truthful with yourself – and just be who you are – no one is perfect, of course, but learning to trust yourself is a huge deal. And being yourself – in all the means and ways and aspects is key. And when you do this, show yourself this self-love and respect, then others will tune in. Unfortunately, not everyone has “good intentions” – but when you start to believe in yourself and act from your truth, you no longer need to run around and please others, all of the time. You can understand them, safely, from a more broadened perspective and decide just how much you are willing to offer, share or give. But trying to please a narcissist is a death sentence. I know from personal experience too. Once bitten, three times wary.

    Great post Michael 🙂

    • Michael says:

      Thanks Pat, yes I did learn the hard way and paid a price for it I’m afraid but all I can do nowadays is be who I am so you and every one else can ‘take it or d’…..once I would never have said that…

      • scribblersdip says:

        LOL – well live and learn, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with you just being you 🙂

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