This week’s words: Cleft Simple Pearl Altschmerz n. weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had—the same boring flaws and anxieties you’ve been gnawing on for years, which leaves them soggy and tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, ready to dig up some fresher pain you might have buried long ago. Cheat Name Assemble Meant Lattice Weak Insidious adj. intended to entrap or beguile: stealthily treacherous or deceitful: operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect Let
I felt such a fool. It was as obvious as the nose on my face I was having another of my altschmerz moments. When I mentioned this to my friends they all laughed at the simplicity of it all.
“Of course,” they said in unison, “it was you back to your boring old self, we should have known.”
The problem with all that of course was I then started to relive and redig the pain of the past, the boring aspects of myself that had meant giving grace to the insidiousness that had troubled my life.
It was one thing after another, the names for these conditions formed a lattice-work within my brain that left my doctors speechless. It became, you name it I had it.
I tried to cheat, to let flow little pearls of wisdom to hide my true condition but eventually, I would let myself go and all my body parts would assemble in some bizarre form each pretending it didn’t know the other bits they were attached to.
The cleft that developed within me and around all my bodily functions left me weak and tired.
Altschmerzism is like that. It’s that feeling of the same old, day after day. Eventually, it’s about freeing yourself of the present in order to address the deep-seated pain you have been hiding all these years.
My friends laugh with me now, refer to me as an insidious pain in the arse and tell me to get on with it. Such is my life.