nodus tollens n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore-that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre-which requires you to go back and reread
There’s a strange woman running through my life
She’s coming at me from all sides
She wears a headdress
Bright feathers and a leather cord around her waist
From which hang
Scalps and small furry remains of previous kills.
I wake up and look about the room
The night shadows have moved
The moon has passed over
The yellow glow of the morning sunrise
Hovers away to my left
I wonder what is happening to me.
I work 9 to 5
I am on average a boring and plain man
I teach English to students
Bored from their previous lesson
I add to their wretchedness
I give little to add value to their day
But I do it all day every day
I excel in the ordinary
But I suck at Jane Austen.
It’s the same shit different day mentality
Its up at six, shower, dress, breakfast
Train, walk, first class ad nausem.
I live as on a treadmill and I can’t get off
My wife saw the light and headed south
Had enough of my tedium,
Even sex she said was as if on rote.
But when I think I am settled, accepting
The vision returns. The woman
Naked except for her sparse dress
Lures me, plays with me,
I can’t stop her; I don’t want to stop her
She unearths a hidden side to me
One I keep secret for fear of comments
Discovery I may not be what all perceive me to be.
We engage as lovers, she leads me into
Dens of pleasure, explorations of our bodies
Places I never knew could elicit such physical rapture.
In dark spaces she sits astride me
Looking down upon my manhood
My mind is filled with unexpected delights
I lie back and allow her to take me where she will.
I awake each morning,
Looking about the night shadows have moved again
I need to get her out of my head.
Elizabeth Bennett her repressed sexuality
And seething desire for Darcy
Jump out of the text at me,
But I know my charges are not moved.
I run the shower cooler to compose myself
The woman and her hold on me
I store away, until tonight.