I remember looking into the void that was my life and asking myself, is that all there is?
We had reached a crisis point in our lives together. She wanted to move on, to greener pastures she said. That I no longer fulfilled her, that life was now a dull beige in so many ways.
If I was happy to live that way then good for me, but for her she wanted bright lights, glamour, the lure and seduction of the lights that so permeated her world.
She was quick on every occasion, that she felt warranted it, to reveal her dislike of the nothing world I lived in, that I was happy and content to live the same way now as I had always done. That was how she described my beige world.
To me my world was always blue. I saw myself as happy in my blue world, it was a pleasant place to be, I knew my way around, I could relax there, settle back and enjoy the comforts that came with my perception of the blue life.
I remember as a child being dressed in blue, it suited me, my mother would often remark that my eyes dictated to her the colours I would wear throughout life. And she was right, I felt safe in blue.
Comfortable.
A sense of identity.
My partners in life saw me differently. That it was to be incumbent on them to get me out of the blue psyche I lived in and dare me to venture into the darker world they inhabited.
I think in hindsight they saw the blue as a threat, I was too comfortable for them.
They wanted me to taste the pain and anguish of the purple and black worlds they lived in.
Places of torment and ridicule where images of themselves, false ones in my opinion had been ingrained upon them and now they were scared and embittered from the overpowering darkness that haunted their worlds.
They couldn’t get away from their darkness’s, they thought their life experience was what made them a superior being to me, so they set about dismantling my blue world and forcing their warped colours and associations upon me.
It came ultimately to no avail. Their colours, their darkness was never to sit well with me.
I fought them, and that fight left me scared, battle weary and damaged, sometimes I feel beyond repair.
But at night. When I am alone. When I pull the blue blankets around me, and slip below the covers, I see my world so much clearer, it may not be perfect and in fact it is a long way from perfect, but it is my blue world, a world in which my soul lives happily and my being can look at itself, see well beyond the void now and feel this is where I belong.
For mindlovemisery’s Prompt 30 – Colour, at : http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com/2013/11/17/prompt-30-color/
Morpethroad 
Filled with emotion and depth, beautifully written! I agree blue suits you =)
Thanks Yves, you know me so well! It was an easy colour for me to chose to write about.
You know what occurred to me was that Lucas uses so much blue in his art work. 🙂 Maybe a bit of a connection there? I say we should be true to who we are. I love color….would bathe in it if I could. lol We are who we are and no one else should try and change that. Wonderful piece.
Thanks you Anja, interesting comment about Lucas’ work. I know why he uses blue, not sure as to the reason why.
Wonderful use of color and the prompt. This is a lovely write.
Thank you so much, I appreciate your comment.
Love this – the idea of blue as safety and calm, and the concept that those that live in darker hues want to draw others to their world – very true I think!! Great piece!! 🙂 🙂
Thanks Helen, written from experience, sadly, with a touch of fiction thrown in.
I think blue suits you quite right 🙂
I tend to be a beige kinda’ girl with a splash of red here & there.
Thanks RoSy, you I would never have taken you for a beige girl, the red etc yes, but not beige, maybe I shall have to re evaluate you….lol……
Blue – the colour usually for boys – I wonder how many actually prefer a colour, or are they chiselled into liking by their mother/spouse etc. I know Pop always has his clothes lade on the bed every morning (mum thinks he can’t think for himself) it’s beige, tan browns and creams 😦 Nice little non-fiction + fiction write my friend.
Thanks Jenny, i always had a liking for blue, still do. One day in my first year of teaching I must have been wearing a lot of blue as a kid called me ‘little boy blue’.
awkward…
😉
Ah Michael, I should have read this yesterday…I needed it so much. I’m always happy in my world with poems, music and stories…and I don’t exclude anyone, but it’s strange that many I’ve let into my life would have preferred and still prefer to replace this and that part of me to make a place more comfortable for themselves. I often wonder, why it should be so difficult to just enjoy the wonder of the different aspects of the world through different visions. Blue is my favorite color.
Thank you Georgia, I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. It’s been a life long puzzle for as to why have been so the target of such people when I think I accept them as they are. Isn’t that why we are attracted in the first place.
Seems that’s how it should be…perhaps one attracts such because one is a fairly placid lake, that people like to make ripples in 😉
Hmmm could be that or just an easy target.
Maybe the same thing in the end..point of least resistence, my son is convinced that nice people are easy targets and that it doesn’t pay to be nice…he says this because he can’t resist being pleasant and he either gets shunted into the so called “friend zone” or gets trod on
… sigh
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ATartanElephant thinks this is great.
Thank you Sir Elephant, I do appreciate your comments.